


Beyond the Haze

by Razoredge



Category: Katawa Shoujo
Genre: Disability, F/F, Friendship, Relationship(s), Romance, Yuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2020-06-09 12:28:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 35,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19475938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razoredge/pseuds/Razoredge
Summary: Kaori is a 18 years old girl. She have cardiac issues and prosopagnosia, which means she can't recognize or remember any face. She must find stratagems to remember somebody. On her third year of Yamaku, she finds her kindred spirit.





	1. Prologue : Ray of sunshine

**Prologue**

Another year in Yamaku. For me, it's the third year here. I go back to my room with my mom. I know she's my mother because she wears her usual perfume, with a little touch of lime. Dad can't come with us today, because he's working. We left our house early in the morning. When we arrived, it was raining. I hate the rain. I had my heart attack on a rainy day. Since that day, I can't bear rain. In that case, my mom's perfume reassures me.

The first thing we do when we reach my room is to put my clothes away in my wardrobe. Simple and efficient. I have to take my pills too. I haven't done it this morning. I swallow these common white pills with a sip of water. I hate these things, but if I want to stay alive, I need to take it. Sometimes, I look my mother in the eye, and I sigh. I will never be able to recognize her face. She's beautiful, I have to admit, but this face is unknown to me. I know this state of affairs will never change, but I still have hope.

Classes will only start tomorrow. I have a full afternoon to do whatever I want. I hug my mother strongly and thank her for her help. She leaves me and promises to call me once she's at home. I ask her to kiss Dad for me. Now, I'm alone. A few minutes after mom's departure, rain intensifies. That's demoralizing. In the yard, some students run to reach the dormitory. In this sad afternoon, something makes me smile. I'll see Saki again. She's a good friend. I don't even know how we became friends. I only recognize her with her voice. The third floor is quite quiet today. Students will surely come in a few hours.

Suddenly, I wonder if mom took my swimsuit. A quick look in the wardrobe and I smile. She's too kind, my swimsuit is here. Swimming is not my favorite pastime, but Nurse told me to do so. For him, swimming will be a good thing for my heart. I trust him. Since I was in Yamaku, he never lied and told me everything. If something is too brutal, he can find the words to tell me the truth. I like him for that. I will get back to the swimming pool this week. My holidays weren't healthy at all, and I can't live like before. My heart will not stand it.

I get up and leave my room. I have nothing in particular to do, I just want to remind me of this place. In the first floor, some people talk to each other. A common day. I can't even remember who's the girl with the black hair and blue eyes in the corner. She must be a second or a third-year student, but I can't remember her name. I'm lost, once again. Everything around me is a pure haze. As if every face was covered by a light fog. It scares me. I rove, without any goal. Praying to hear a familiar voice. It's tir....

" Kaori, you're finally here. " I know this voice. It's her, my friend. Saki. I can't make a mistake.

I turn over and I smile. Saki's face is a blur to me, but I can't get her voice mixed up. The only thing I can do is to hug her frankly. It's her. Her smell is really recognizable. I missed her so much.

" I was afraid. I thought you'll only come tomorrow. I missed you, sweetie. " I'm really sincere when I talk like this to her.

" Me too. Did you get rain during your trip? "

As a good friend, she knows my hatred of rain. Saki knows a lot of things of my past. My scar screams out that I have cardiac issues. She knows that and takes care of me. Even though her disability can kill her, she still takes care of people. And I do the same thing for her. She's important to me.

" Not really. It only starts raining when I arrived. It gets me down, and I roved here, seeking for someone I know. And you came "

Saki's voice is always a ray of sunshine during my bad days. She doesn't do anything and achieve to cheer me up. I hear the rain outside, but now, it means nothing to me. My friend is here, nothing else matters.

" Great. What did you do during your holidays? I've spent all my time with my family." She asked me with a little smile.

" Nothing special. In fact, I've spent all my time playing video games or playing guitar. Mom bought me a brand-new Jaguar last month. A Japanese one, not these American guitars. I'm really satisfied. " I answered.

I play guitar since my first heart attack. Dad bought my first guitar when I left the hospital, to make me happy. I'm a huge metalhead since my childhood, thanks to my mom. My favorite genre is Black Metal, but I essentially play Thrash Metal.

" Really nice. Remind me to come with you someday. I'll really like to hear you playing. " Her smile is a precious thing.

" Of course. It'll be a shame to do something else."

We talked a lot about insignificant things. It's a real pleasure to be with her. I'm 18, I know, but sometimes, I can't bear the simple fact to stay alone. Loneliness scares me. I don't want to do a heart attack alone. Having friends is a shield to me. She knows that. I'm glad to be her friend. With her, I lost my sense of time. But with her help and the help of my other friends and my parents, I can survive this year. And I'll be happy. Nothing else matters now.


	2. White void

An entire week has passed. In this 3-3 class, I can't remember any name. A loud pink-haired disturbs me, but I heard she's always like that. Maybe she makes up for her deaf friend. It was a banal week. Not for my heart, that being said. 

My first day of swimming was pretty intense. I'm not a very good swimmer, I can't swim for a long time. After a few lengths, my heart beat like crazy. I was frightened, I knew it was sure to happen. Every time my heart is at the wrong pace, I'm scared. Even if I take my pills every day, the same fear consumes my mind. 

However, I love my swimming suit. I think it suits me well. As plain as it is, I love it. My previous swimsuits were badly cut. They were at the right size, but I don't know why, but something was wrong with the chest. 

I have to carry on, and my progress will come out. I'm always swimming before dinner. I don't even know why, but it was a habit for me. And every time I'm swimming, I'm hungry. I ask what time is it to a swimming partner, half past six. I'm swimming for an hour.

One more length and I take my shower. The water in the shower is pretty hot, much more than the pool. I love hot water, it's reassuring. The steam wraps me up, such a nice feeling. But I can't spend my time taking a shower. My stomach thinks my throat's been cut. 

Ten minutes later, I'm on the way to a nice dinner. Some students do the same. Before winter, I try to eat before dusk. It's a comforting habit since I was ten. In the line, I'm wondering what I can eat. Someone pushes me a little.

It could be insignificant, but the same person wraps her arm around my neck. Only a few people do the same thing to me. I'm at school, only Saki could do this to me. Her smell speaks for her. I like her cuddles, they are so sweet. I'm very tall, so she must be on tiptoe. 

"Want somebody to eat with? She asks me."

" Of course, I want. You're always welcome."

There five or six people before me. I still have the time to choose my meal. Tonight, I don't want to eat meat, fish is a good choice. With some fried veggies, it will be perfect. My turn comes, and I take my meal. Saki takes some vegetables and meat. An ordinary meal. 

She searches for two seats, and we're done. I have some things to tell her, so for me, it's the right moment. I take a bite of fish. Not bad. Tasty and juicy. I always had a preference for fish. But I sigh. Mom told me some bad news.

"You know my father is a heavy smoker, don't you? Mom told me it's worse than ever."

"He knows you hate that, right? Why does he still smoking?" She asks me, worried. 

"It seems his work exhaust him too much. When he's tired, he smokes a lot to be awake. He knows that I hate this thing, so, every time I'm at home, he goes outside." I sigh once again.

She looks troubled. My father always worked hard for us. I admire him for that. He never takes care of himself. His family is his number one priority. Sometimes, I try to convince him to take time for him. And every time, I talk to a brick wall. 

" He stills work late?"

" Yeah. You know what it is. A typical salaryman who takes work with him at home." I'm afraid for him, very afraid. 

" It's ok, Kaori. He knows you're scared for him, and he will change, I'm sure he will." Saki is always confident about these things. 

The rest of the meal is silent. In fact, this place isn't noisy. At midday, there is such bustle, but not during dinner. Fatigue is a vicious matter. Somebody shows up in my field of view. A girl with her arm wrapped in a bandage. She must be a classmate, but I don't know who is she. She's with a girl with some flashy blue hair. She seems pretty tired. 

Once we have done, we clean our table and leave this place. Outside, the weather is lovely. Not too warm, but not too cold. I lie down in the grass. It's moist but also pleasant. I feel like a child. When I was young, I loved to lie down in the grass with my mother. 

Your body is surrounded by feelings. Dampness, coolness, you lose all notion of time, your mind is sucked into a white void. At midnight, with my mother, when everything was quiet, my heart beats were the only thing I heard. Such a simple, yet wonderful thing. Just me, and my mother. Nothing else. 

" You see these stars? When I was young, I thought I could touch them. I was amazed, as much as a kid could be. Sometimes, I wonder if stars are souls. That's childish right? " I giggle. 

" We're all children in our heart. Don't be ashamed to think like that. " She smiles, her eyes closed.

The wind blows, quietly, peacefully. My hair goes wavy as I nearly fall asleep. I'm pretty tired. Everything is silent here. No noise, no cars horn, no public works, just me, Saki and our friend the wind. My mind reaches the white void. But all good things come to an end. We need to go to bed.

Tonight, I'll sleep tight. My mind is peaceful, and swimming tired me. I wish her a good night, and I reach my room. My pajamas wait for me. It's a casual thing. A black jogging pants with a white tank top. Simple things are the best. I put it on me, and I go to bed.

Before I fall asleep, something pops up in my mind. It's about my way of swimming. I need to ease my speed. I have to swim slowly. I have to increase my stamina. With this state of mind, everything will be better. 

Then, I'm in the arms of Morpheus. That was a good week. A tough start, but a nice finish.


	3. Fleeting words

Sunday. What a lovely day. During the week, I swim before dinner. But, when Sunday comes, I always swim in the morning, to help me wake up. Every Sunday, I get up at a quarter past seven. My stomach rumbles, and I'm going to get some breakfast. Every morning, I eat the same thing. Some rice with greens and a boiled egg. Nothing fancy, but strongly nourishing. I'm not very original with food. 

Outside, there's nearly nobody. Most students are still sleeping. I never was a huge sleeper. Sometimes, I only sleep for four hours. Of course, at midday, I'm tired, but I cannot do otherwise. My swimming suit is in my bag - with a towel, too. I have plenty of time, so it's pointless to run. On my way, I wonder if I'll become a great swimmer someday. 

The swimming pool's building looks exactly the same as the others. Everything here looks trite. Except for the gate - that is too pompous. When I reach the pool, I'm stunned. Absolutely no noise. Three people are swimming, quietly, and that's all. Sunday is one of my favorite days, just because of that. In the locker room, I put my swimming suit on and head for the pool. 

On the diving board, I gaze at the surface of the water. Smooth as a mirror. I take a huge inspiration, and I dive. I never open my eyes under water. In a pool, the water is always saturated with chlorine. I swim the crawl, every time. It's the only kind of swim stroke I'm able to do. I do a few slow laps as a warmup. That's essential. Without a good warmup, the chance of injuries is tremendous. 

I take my time, I don't want to hurt myself. My warmup is always around two or three laps. Sometimes, I say Hello or a few other words to my swimming partners. 

When I'm in the pool, I'm focused on my training. Everything else doesn't matter. I have to admit, swimming is not my favorite pastime. Nevertheless, the nurse told me to swim, for my heart. He knows what's good for me. If I give up, if I don't follow my treatment correctly, I'll go back to square one. 

When I was at the hospital, everything was different. I couldn't walk a few meters without anyone. My heart was in poor condition, and everything was made to help me to bear the surgery and the treatment. I just can't thank them enough, but at night, when I was alone, the heaviness on my chest was so hard to bear that I burst into tears.

I don't want to go through that again. So, I have to swim. The pool is like a way out. I will live like that for the rest of my life, but I have to keep fit. Every day, I try to swim between half an hour and an hour. It reinforces my heart, and it develops my muscles a little. A perfect sport, after all. 

Then my real training begins. I don't swim really quick, but I'm trying to improve. Perseverance is the key. If I surrender, I will never get better. I start my laps, slowly, and I speed up from the third lap. I'm focused on my swimming, and I must keep this state of mind. 

...................................

Half an hour of training is adequate. It doesn't tire me too much. I take a quick but warm shower. You just can't swim and put your clothes back on without a shower. Chlorine is not a good thing for skin. I wonder what I can do before lunch. I have nothing planned today. 

Suddenly, I remember that I have finished the only book I currently have from the library. I have a substantial collection of books at home, but in a rush, I forgot to take some of these. Time to go to the library. It's on the second floor of the main building. I'm a regular, I can't pass two weeks without a book. 

When I reach my destination, I wonder what kind of book I should borrow. I push the door, and I walk into the library. This place is always silent, that's really nice. The librarian is working behind her desk. It must be the librarian. Someone who works in a library with some books' reservation stuff is a librarian. 

I make a few steps, and I hear a little greeting. The voice is so low, I can't recognize it. I just answer to this greeting and head for the first shelf. I search for a few minutes, but there's nothing attractive. Sometimes, I can be difficult with books. 

" You want something particularly, kitten?"

Only three people call me by that nickname. My mother, my father and... Yuuko. She's aware of my problem and calls me like that to help me to remember her. That's nice of her.

" Oh, Hi Yuuko. Sorry, I didn't recognize your voice initially. " I smile to her. She takes care of us, in her own way. " Yes, do you have some books about Japanese mythology? I love this kind of books."

She does not know if some books are currently available. She searches on her computer, then she smiles.

" Yes. This is on the third shelf on the right, in front of you." She answers me with her sweet voice.

" Thank you, Yuuko. You're too kind."

I go towards the third shelf. In my mind, some wishes tumble out. I have a vague idea of what I'm looking for, but nothing specific. I search a book with a good title. All of a sudden, I hear a voice next to me. I was so obsessed with my search for the perfect book, I didn't notice someone was alongside me.

" Do you know where this book is? "

I raise my head and meet a pretty blonde girl with blue eyes. She must be a foreigner. You can't find a lot of Japanese people with blonde hair and blue eyes. She has a paper in her hand, with a title written on it. So, she wants a book about Japanese mythology too. 

I look at the shelf and directly find her book. It's at the top, with some other books. I take it because I'm taller than she. The front cover is full of dots underneath the title. It must be Braille. Why should a book be covered with dots if it's not written in Braille?

" There it is. You like Japanese mythology too?" 

" Thanks. I try to diversify my reading. But it's a good subject, I have to admit." She answers me, smiling. 

She must be blind, her eyes speak for her, and the book too. But I won't say anything about that. We all have our problems, and some of us doesn't want to talk about that.

" Oh, forgive my bad manners. Lilly, Lilly Satou. " Her voice is sweet and peaceful. 

" Kaori, Kaori Yamamoto. Nice to meet you. " I'm honest, it's a real pleasure for me to meet new people. But I have to find new stratagems to remember each person. 

I try to write her description down on my mind. A blonde girl with blue eyes, and a sweet voice. She even has a hair bow. I have to retain this description. I know I'll never be able to memorize her face, but I can remember some details if I repeat them regularly. 

" Thanks again for the book, Kaori, you're too kind. " She still smiles. Her smile is a marvelous thing.

" Don't worry. It was my pleasure." I answer to her.

We go back to Yuuko’s desk to register our books. Then she leaves the library first. I talk with Yuuko about trivial things before leaving the library, too. I will spend the rest of the day reading this book. 

Not a bad morning. A bit of swimming, and an encounter with a lovely girl. Not so bad. I love this kind of day. I need more of these.


	4. Playing in puddles

We have science class early in the morning. Science is not my favorite subject, but sometimes, some lessons are really interesting. Especially when the topic is the human body. 

When the teacher talks about the heart, I pay close attention to every word. I'm early, as usual. I hate to being late, so I try to come ten or fifteen minutes before class starts. 

Finally, the teacher comes. He seems to be wearier than most of us. However, he starts the lesson quickly. It seems that today, we'll talk about plants. I'm not really that enthusiastic about plants, but never mind. 

I take out my notebook and take some notes. When he draws a plant, I try to do the same thing. But the result is a shame. I will never be a good drawer. 

When I begin to get bored in class, I doodle. It keeps me busy when I don't know what to do. But that's hopeless. I'm not good with a pencil in hand. At least, I manage to focus, and like that, I can take the course. 

Outside, it starts to rain. I planned to go into town with Saki. If the rain goes on, that plan will have to be thrown out. Nevertheless, spending time with my best friend is always a good thing. 

Then, this lesson is over. Our English teacher comes. It must be our English teacher because she's speaking in English. I love this language because it helps me to understand some of my favorites movies without subtitles. 

However, my oral skills are dreadful. I can totally understand English when I read it, but my accent is very unpleasant to hear.

Today's lesson is about vocabulary. Great, I don't have to speak. This is a good thing. I write every single word, with its meaning in Japanese. I know some of these, but I still write them. The list contains around 25 words. Not too much. 

When the teacher asks us to work in groups, everyone is moving to work with someone. Even my neighbor. I look around, and I see a girl who's alone.

A girl with dark purple hair, with burns on the right side of her body. She will be my teammate for today because we need to work in groups. I head for her desk, slowly. 

Her attitude is clear. She's very shy. I need to be gentle with her. Her sheet is empty, and she's shaking when she sees me. Okay Kaori, you have to handle her with kid gloves.

" Hi, I think we must work together. " I say, with a friendly voice.

" We.... we must? " She seems to be lost.

I will take my time with her. It seems that a single word can break her. This work is simple, but working with her won't be an easy job. The first two questions are easy. Answering them will take two or three minutes. 

I start to answer these questions, and she mimics me. I'm quiet to appease her. But, when she reaches the fourth question, she has something to ask me. 

" How... how do you write this... In English?"

She doesn't know how to translate ‘Hanabi’ to English. I can't judge her, some people have difficulties with foreign languages. 

" Fireworks. It's called a fireworks. " I answer. 

I write this word for her, and she writes it in a little notebook, with a smile. After that, she's quiet. We focus on the work and manage to finish on time. But, right after the lesson, she vanishes. I can't blame her. 

Saki must be waiting in the hall, as usual. Most students are rushing to the cafeteria, but today I will not follow the crowd.

However, there is nobody in the hall. It seems I'm alone. It doesn't matter, I can be very patient. Suddenly, somebody pinches my ribs - lightly, but enough to surprise me. When I see who did this to me, this person hugs me frankly. Obviously, it's Saki. She's mischievous, sometimes. 

" Ready for a wonderful afternoon? " she says. She must be joking because it's raining outside. 

" For sure. You'll be my umbrella, right? "

She knows that I'm joking. Occasionally, she taunts me about my height, so it's only fair. Outside, we walk as fast as we can. We don't want to look like drowned rats. But, if we want to reach the Shanghai, we have to walk for a long time. 

.............................................

Finally, we're inside the restaurant. We're soaked to the skin and very hungry. Saki finds a free table, and we sit down. I already know what I want to eat - some miso ramen - and Saki also chooses what she wants to eat. 

Then, she orders for us. A few minutes later our meal is ready. I recognize Yuuko by her voice and thank her. 

When I eat ramen, I eat very fast, as if I was afraid it might mysteriously disappear. I try to eat slowly, but I just can’t manage to do so. However, it's delicious. If I love a dish, I eat very fast, it's a bad habit. 

Suddenly, a question appears in my mind. 

" Saki, I worked with a girl this morning. A shy girl, with burns on the right side of her body. She was pretty, though. Do you know her?"

She thinks for a little bit, then she has the answer.

" You must be talking about Hanako. Yeah, she's shy, you have to be very gentle with her. " She answers me.

" Does she have any friends? " I wonder. 

" Lilly is her best friend. She helps her a lot. " 

I try to connect some memories to this name, but nothing happens. Saki notices it and helps me. 

" The tall blind girl with blonde hair. " She answers me with a smile.

" That's right! I tried to remember her name, but I couldn't. I met her a few days ago, she was pretty and kind. "

Saki giggles. She knows I'm not innocent when I talk like that. I finish my dish quickly. This place is one of my favorite restaurants. I was never disappointed with the food here. 

Saki eats slower than me, but that's okay. I'm patient. When Yuuko asks us if we want a dessert, we decline. We pay our bills and leave. 

Luckily, the rain has stopped. The weather still isn't great, but at least we won’t get wet again. There are puddles everywhere, and it makes me smile. I can remember a lot of things thanks to puddles. 

" You see this big puddle? We used to jump into this kind of puddle with Dad when I was a child. Mom wasn't happy of course, but that was fun. We did a lot of simple but funny things. Now... "

" He doesn't have the time, right? " She answers me, interested in my past.

" Not anymore. But... I miss this kind of stuff. "

She gives me a little tap on the shoulder, and we walk around. Suddenly, I have an idea. I take her by the arm, without saying anything, and go towards a little jewelry shop. I want to buy something for her and for me too. 

In a few minutes, I see what I want. Two little necklaces. Nothing fancy, but it's lovely. There is a part of a heart on each one. I buy them instantly. I'm sure it will make Saki happy. And when she sees it, she's more than happy. She hugs me like she never did before. It seems it means something to her. 

She's my best friend, and nothing is too much when I want to make her happy. It's pretty cute on her, though. She wants to go to the little library near the jewelry shop. It looks as if she noticed a book a few days ago. Why not? 

Inside, there are a lot of books. The shop seemed to be small, but it's actually huge. Saki leaves me alone to search for her book. I don't know what she wants to do, but she wants to be alone to do it. In a few minutes I find a lot of interesting books.

Nevertheless, as I am reading a summary, she pokes me in the rib, innocently. We leave the shop, and when we're outside she offers a big book to me. 

" I know you like this kind of stuff, so, I had to buy it for you. " Saki says to me with a great smile. 

It's a book about Japanese mythology. A really big one. I really respect the author of this book, so, it's a wonderful gift for me. 

" Thanks.. It means a lot to me. " I strongly hug her.

During our return trip, we don't say anything. Sometimes, words are not needed for us. We can communicate without saying anything. Saki knows I love her, and I know she loves me. She will always be there for me, and I will be there for her too. 

That's what best friends do. I was lucky to meet her. At the dorm, we separate but not for a long time. Never for a long time.


	5. A certain point of view

4 am. I rolled over in bed for an hour. When I hear a storm, I can't sleep. I have to admit, I'm afraid of thunder. 

Tonight, it's just a slight thunderstorm. But I'm still afraid. Fear isn't rational at all, I know it. With a storm, I can't set foot outside.

The thunder is loud. This storm is very close. Too close for me. I have to fight my fear by myself. Disturbing my mother for that? No way. She must be sleeping.

Luckily, today, lessons are only in the morning. However, I need to buy food. Some afternoon snacks. I'll go to the city this afternoon. 

If I can't sleep, I only have one thing to do. Reading. I take my book about Japanese mythology, and start my reading from the third chapter. This chapter is about Yokai. I can't get enough of this subject.

When I'm reading, I lose track of time. My mother always told me that was a good sign. It means you're passionate about a subject. During my reading, the storm finally stops. 

I look at my alarm clock. It's half-past five. I've only slept two hours tonight. 

I will not swim today. The nurse is going to kill me, but I never swim when I'm tired, for security purposes. 

I swallow my pills with a little bit of water. It helps me to stay alive. Thanks to these little things, my heart doesn't act up too much.

One chapter later, it's seven. I get up, and I put my clothes on. It's still raining, but fortunately, the storm is over. I stretch out, and my spinal column cracks. 

It's cold outside, but nevermind. I'm hungry, and a good breakfast should help me to stay awake. The freezing rain slides down my back. It's an awful feeling. 

At the cafeteria, a few students are chatting while eating. I take some rice, greens and a boiled egg. The same thing every morning. I can't change my habits, and I don't want to. 

I'm alone this morning. Not a problem. Sometimes, it's good for you to be alone. Not all the time, of course. I sit down and begin eating. 

................... 

A few minutes before the first lesson of the day, I nearly hit my desk with my forehead. I think the day may be long. 

My neighbor nudges me when the teacher comes. I take my notebook and write some notes. 

Sometimes I doze, I have to admit. This lesson is interesting, I know that, but I can't fight against tiredness. I try my best, but there's nothing I can do. I know I have no excuses. I only had to sleep last night.

Nevertheless, the storm is a phobia for me. And you can't struggle against a phobia. I have to deal with it. 

All the lessons of the morning follow the same thread. I take some notes and try not to fall asleep. Not a productive morning at all. 

I'm not a lazy girl, but when I'm tired, I'm tired, that's all. Tomorrow will be a better day, I'm sure. 

When all the students rush to the cafeteria, I head for the girls' dorm. I have to get my wallet and my bag, too. Outside, the rain finally stops. 

There is a convenience store not far away. I just have to walk a bit. On the way a little breeze is blowing. Sometimes, I find this soothing. 

I'm alone, there's nobody on the road. The birds are singing, the wind is blowing. What a peaceful afternoon. I love this place. However, it took me almost two years to feel good at the academy. 

Now, this place is my second home. People here helped me to feel better. I've a lot to thank them for. Sometimes, I still want to be with my family, but now, I'm not sad to be here. 

A few minutes later, I reach my destination. I'm not a very fast walker, but I have a good pace. I think about what I could buy. 

First of all, I take some chocolate biscuits. I know this is not good for my heart, but just a few shouldn’t be too bad. 

Two packs of strawberry biscuits grab my attention. Strawberries are my favorite fruits along with cherries. I take some plain cookies too, and I'm done. 

"That's pretty cheap..." I say when I calculate the overall cost of my purchases. 

I make a detour, just to see the new products. Suddenly, someone asks me if I can help them. 

"Sure. What do you need?"

The blonde girl in front of me needs a particular kind of ramen, maybe for a soup. I guide her towards the right section because she's blind. Her white cane speaks for her. 

It takes me a few seconds to find what she needs. I put the ramen on her basket. I have to admit, her kind smile is beautiful. 

"Thanks... Kaori?"

If she knows my name, I have already met her before. If she’s blind she is probably also a Yamaku student, but I can't recognize her face. 

Fucking disease. I always feel a huge embarrassment when I can't recognize someone. It's an awful feeling. 

"Yes, but... Sorry, but I can't remember your name..." My voice is low. I feel a little bit ashamed. 

She slightly laughs. It's a friendly laugh. 

"Lilly, Lilly Satou. You can't remember the faces of people, right?" She says to me, with a smile.

"... Yes ... I'm sorry..." I hate these situations. 

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to apologize. Don't blame yourself for your disability." 

She's really nice to me. Inwardly, I thank her. Just with her words, she soothed me. Some people would be mad at me, but not her, fortunately.

Then, we head for the checkout. I was right, my purchases are cheap. Around one thousand yen. Outside, Lilly wants to go back to school with me. 

On the way, I wonder why she is like that with me. She must have her own reasons. But it's not really important. 

"I wonder... You must be half Japanese, right? You're tall for a Japanese woman, such as myself." I ask her.

I'm tall for a Japanese girl, I know that. I don't even know why I'm this tall. All my family was Japanese for so long, I can't explain why I'm taller than my entire family. 

"In fact, I'm half Scottish on my mother's side and half Japanese. It must explain why I'm this tall, I think." She answers me with a slight laugh.

It makes sense. I heard European people are taller than Asian people. I wish I could travel to Europe. Especially to Greece, because I really like mythology. 

"I have never been to Europe yet. Is Scotland a nice country?"

She stays quiet for a bit and seems to find something to answer. I can't see any emotion on her face. It's pretty weird. 

"From a certain point of view, yes. My sister always says that Scotland is a very beautiful country. But there are some things I don't like there."

It seems she doesn't want to explain. I understand, there are some things I hate to explain, too. 

In my soul, I know I should never have asked this question. I don't know if she's mad at me. I hope it's not the case. I was just curious, that's all. 

Nevertheless, a few seconds later, she's smiling. It's strange but reassuring. On the way, we talk about insignificant things. Obviously, she's not mad at me. 

This kind of conversation is pleasant. Of course, it's important to talk about important stuff, but sometimes, it's nice to talk about unimportant things. 

Her voice is very sweet. Sometimes, she speaks in a well-bred manner, and I can discern a little motherly tone. 

I have to adapt my pace to hers, but that's fine. I don't walk too fast when I talk to someone. 

Finally, we are back to school. Honestly, I had a good time with Lilly.

"Thanks, Lilly, it was good to speak with you." I say, with complete honesty.

"You're welcome. We can do this again if you want."

We separate, and I head for my room. It was a lovely little afternoon. This is why I consider this place my second home, now. You always meet nice people. 

I put my purchases away on my cabinet. With four or five packs of biscuits, I can hold out a whole month. 

I spend the rest of my day reading. When I don't know what to do, I read a book. It's a satisfying way to spend my time. 

I should buy a little acoustic guitar too. Some models are pretty cheap today. I can't ask my mother to bring my guitar and my amp. My amp is too heavy for her. 

My Japanese mythology book awaits me, and I bury myself in it.


	6. Steel strings

Last night, I slept a few hours longer than I used to. It happens sometimes. Especially if I'm tired. I needed it. 

I swim longer on Sundays. I learned something interesting. One of my swimming mates warned me about a little tournament. I have a whole month to train myself. 

In this school, swimming tournaments are less significant than athletics tournaments. But not for me. I'm still present at the races. During the athletics tournaments, there's always a struggle between two girls. A little girl with prosthetic legs, and a taller one who's missing a hand. I always cheer the taller one on. 

On the diving board, I take a deep breath, and I dive. The water is lukewarm today, it's enjoyable. As a warm-up, I swim a few laps. Every two-quarters of a lap, I swim under water. It's a good exercise, especially while holding your breath. 

A few minutes later, I can begin the real training. Today will be endurance training. I won’t swim too fast, but for a long time. Some students are swimming in groups. Sometimes, I swim in groups, but most of the time, I do it alone. It depends on my state of mind. 

For this tournament, I'll diversify my training. I must be at my best. I don't expect to win. But for my own satisfaction, I must work a lot. I swim slowly, trying to swim a lot of laps. To increase my stamina, I try to swim a lot longer underwater.

However, sometimes, I'm afraid to lose my breath. I need to be very careful with my heart. Having a heart attack is my worst fear. I already had one, and it was the worst pain I've ever felt. Now, when I'm losing breath, I'm terrified. 

Half an hour later, I begin to tire myself. But I can do a few laps more. I just have to swim slower. For me, I did a decent training today. 

I deserve a warm shower. Warm water is like a cocoon. Occasionally, I surprise myself by dozing in the shower, because it relaxes me so much. 

I have a whole free afternoon. I could spend time with Saki. I never get bored with her. But for now, I need to eat something. I already know what I want to eat. Some pork with rice. I rush towards the refectory. Luckily, I don't have to wait too much. 

When it's my turn, I take pork and rice. I see an empty table, and I take place. I eat quickly today. I should take my time, but never mind. Most of the time, I take twenty minutes to eat. But sometimes, I eat much faster. I know it's not good for me, but I can't help it. 

In a few minutes, there's no rice left in my bowl. The pork is well-cooked, I love it. I think I'm not a picky eater, but there are some things I can't eat at all. 

After a good meal, I go back to my room. On the way, I turn things over in my head about clothing. In my room, I put a grey checkered shirt on with a black jean. Nothing fancy, but I love this kind of clothes. I take my white sneakers, and I'm ready. 

Thankfully, today is a sunny day. Pleasant weather for a stroll. Outside, some students leave school with friends, maybe for a walk too. The hall is lively. For some people, Sunday is a day off, but we do a lot of things on Sunday. I proceed in the hall, to reach Saki's room. 

Knocking at the door, I hope she's in her room. I hit once, no answer. I try a second time, harder this time, and finally, she opens the door. It must be Saki. Who else could it be? Nevertheless, I recognize her smell. The way she hugs me is a good hint too. 

She seems to be really happy to see me, just like me. She's always like that when I'm around. She brightens up my life since the day I met her. 

"Hi, Saki. The weather is really nice today, so, I wondered if you'd like to go for a stroll with me." 

"Sure. I'm always ready to go somewhere with you. Come on in, I just need to change my clothes."

Saki's room has plain decoration. Plain but beautiful. A few objects are placed in a line on a shelf. 

I see one of the figurines I bought her before the holidays. A figurine from one of her favorite anime. She always keeps religiously everything I give her. When she changes her clothes, I wonder where we can go. I have no idea, I just want to spend time with my best friend. 

"You know what do you want to do?" She asks me while putting a cute red dress on. 

"Not really. We could go to the city. Or whatever you want." I answer her. Sometimes, it's better to let her decides for us. 

"Fine, let's go to the city."

She's adorable in her dress. Saki has a good taste for clothings. Occasionally, she gives me tips to choose my clothes. And she has never made a wrong move. 

We leave the dorm and the school. The birds are singing like on a summer day. The weather is really nice today. On the way, she tells me some things about her class. How things are going, the amount of work to do. Typical students stuff. 

"Oh, I forgot. We have a little swimming tournament in a month." It seems to interest her. She likes to cheer me on while I'm swimming in a tournament. 

"I'm sure you'll be great." She says, with a kind smile. 

"I don't expect to win, but if it happens, I'll be thrilled." I never expect to win a tournament. 

When we reach the city, we roam. But I notice, out the corner of my eye, a little music shop. I take her by the hand, and we go inside. There's a lot of musical instruments. From violins to guitars via winds instruments. For me, it's a little heaven. 

The shopkeeper notices that I'm really interested in his articles. An electric guitar draws my attention, and I ask if I can to try it. He accepts. Then, I connect this little beauty to an amp, and I make some fine-tuning. I already know what I want to play. One Rode To Asa Bay from Bathory, one of my favorite bands. 

As I start to play, Saki takes a seat, in front of me. Instantly, she seems to be fascinated. I never played guitar for her. It's a long song, about nine to ten minutes. Fortunately, I can sing while playing. It's hard, but I can do it. Not for every song, sadly. 

My English accent is terrible, but I do my utmost for her. This guitar has a good sound, I love it. As I carry on, she looks at the position of my fingers on the neck carefully. I don't know if she likes this song, but it seems she loves the fact I play it for her. 

When the song is finished, she applauds happily. 

"You're really good. I wish I'll be able to play like you someday." Her smile is a precious thing, and I thank her for her compliment.

"I can teach you if you want. With some training, I'm sure you'll be good too." I really want to teach her how to play. 

I put this guitar away on the rack. However, I want to try an acoustic guitar too. I choose a sunburst one and begin to play Sliver by Nirvana while singing. The sound is lovely. And it's not very expensive. For me, it's a good choice. I will buy it, in a few weeks. 

I thank the shopkeeper for letting me try these instruments, and we leave. Saki is happy. She likes my playing so I will do it again.

"Do you want to drink something?" I ask her. 

"Yeah. Some tea would be fine." Sometimes, I think she can read my mind. 

Therefore, I try to find a café. It takes a few minutes, and we see a lovely place. We take place, and the waiter comes. Saki takes green tea, and I choose a black one. Luckily, we are served quickly. 

I like my tea strong. This one is perfect. Drinking tea with a friend is a simple thing, but I cherish this kind of moment. 

"Oh, a few days ago, I met this blonde girl again." 

I try to remember her name. Saki opens her mouth, maybe to help me. But she understands, by my attitude, that I want to find it by myself. I rack my brain, trying to remember this name. She stays quiet, a bit worried, I think. However, I finally find what I was looking for. 

"Lilly, that's her name. Finally, I can remember it." 

"I'm proud of you." She says kindly. "What happened?"

"Well, nothing in particular. I have just helped Lilly in the mini-market. She wanted some noodles, so I gave her what she needed." 

"She will do something for you in the future, I'm sure of it. If you help her, she will help you later." 

We talk about unimportant things too. The weather, our clothes, or even music. Even with ordinary stuff, Saki is interesting. I pay for our tea, and we leave. On the way, something comes to my mind. I must ask her a question. 

"Would you stay some days at home during the next holidays? Mom and dad would be pleased." I ask her, but I already know what she could answers. 

"Of course, with great pleasure. How could I say no to you?" She really likes the idea. 

We reach the school slowly. We still have some time, and Saki has a great idea. A little nap under a tree. 

She lays down next to me, cuddling up to me. My best friend is one of the cutest girls I've ever seen. She's always kind to me. I will never give up on her. I close my eyes and fall asleep. Sometimes, in the middle of the afternoon, I fall asleep almost instantly. I never worried about that.


	7. Kind invitation

In the dead of night, a nightmare wakes me with a start. This is the same nightmare every time. I'm swimming underwater, and suddenly, I lose my breath, and I have a heart attack.

Obviously, I'm always panicked. I'm scared to death of having another heart attack. You can't forget a pain like this, it's unbearable. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Shivering, I open my window and take a deep breath. It's cold outside, but it helps me to realize I'm alive. It's just a nightmare. 

If I follow the nurse's advice and take my medicine, I will be fine. Nevertheless, every time I have this nightmare, I'm crying. I can't help crying. I try to calm down, but there's nothing I can do. I close my window, and I leave my room. Still shivering, I head for Saki's room. 

I know I will not bother her. She always told me I can reach her room if I have this nightmare. Knocking on her door, I don't have to wait too long. She's a sleepyhead, but she understands instantly. I have nothing to say. She let me in and hugs me frankly. 

I blame myself a bit. Saki was sleeping, and I woke her up. But it seems she's not angry at me. She lays down on her bed, and I do the same thing, lying next to her.

She kindly strokes my hair. It appeases me. Saki is able to calm me down without saying anything. 

" Saki? Thanks..."

"Thanks for what, dear?" She answers me, in a whisper.

"Thanks for always being there for me." I'm not shivering anymore. 

"That's what best friends do. I love you, that's why I'm there for you." Her voice tone is lovely. 

She keeps her hand in my hair, and I fall asleep. Her breath is soothing. Snuggled up against Saki, I know I will sleep well.

...............................................................

A weird alarm clock sound wakes me up abruptly. I realize I'm in Saki's room. When I wake up, I don't turn things over in my head. She shuts the alarm down and smiles when she sees me. 

"Did you slept well?" She asks me, stretching out.

"Pretty well, thank you for that," I answer her, stretching out too.

"Anytime, dear."

"I'll go get dressed, and we take the breakfast together?" I ask her while smiling.

"Seems a good idea to me."

I leave her room lightheaded. My uniforms are clean, but I can't stand the smell of the detergent used in this school. I put a clean uniform on, and I wait for her outside the dorm. A few minutes later, we head towards the cafeteria. 

My stomach rumbles, and she laughs when she hears it. It's early in the morning. Saki always wakes up before me, but that's okay. 

"You snored last night." She laughs while nudging me. 

"Seriously? Sorry... You're the first one who tells me something like that."

"It doesn't matter, I won't wake you up just for that. Luckily, you're discreet." I feign that I'm outraged, and she roars with laughter. 

Being with Saki is a good thing for my heart. Because of her disability, she usually walks slowly, sometimes with a cane. Thus, we're never in a hurry. However, I try to do everything I can to help her. She does the same thing with me anyway. We promised to always be there for each other. 

There are very few people in the cafeteria. So, we can quickly take our food and a seat. Rice, greens, and an egg. The same things every morning, and I won't change my habits. Saki took the same stuff. 

I take a sip of hot tea. I only drink cold tea on sweltering summer days. She gives me her egg because she doesn't want to eat it. It doesn't disturb me, more food is always good.

I like when this place is quiet, like now. You can speak without raising your voice. Suddenly, a thought comes in my mind.

"I was wondering, how it goes with the boy you told me about before the holidays?" 

Saki sniggers. She told me her feelings about a boy just before the end of the previous school year. I was happy and thought that she would become his girlfriend. 

"I told him my feelings during the holidays, but it didn't go anywhere. So, I gave up." She answers me. 

Saki seems to be a little sad. But she quickly forgets about that. The rest of the meal takes place in a quiet atmosphere. When we have to leave each other, she hugs me vigorously and heads towards her classroom. 

......................................................

In the middle of the sciences lesson, the teacher asks me a question.

"Yamamoto, which precaution do you need to take when you want to dissolve some acid with water?"

It takes me a few seconds to think about that. I know what to do, but I need to remember it. The teacher waits, and finally, I remember what to do. 

"It's imperative to pour the acid slowly onto water, and not the other way around." As I answer his question, he agrees with a nod of his head. 

"And can you tell me why?"

"When you pour water onto acid, this reaction is exothermic, and we want to reduce as far as possible the projection hazard," I reply, talking slowly. 

"Exactly." He's smiling. When we answer correctly to his questions, this teacher is always proud of us. 

During the rest of the lesson, he warns us about the many dangers of science experiments. I have to admit, science is not my favorite subject, but he achieves to make it interesting. 

The next class is a Japanese one. I love Japanese literature, so I'm always paying close attention, even when I'm tired. During these lessons, I always lose track of time. Especially when the teacher talks about new books. My neighbor doze, which makes me smile. 

We have to answer some questions. It's not that hard, so it takes me a few minutes to do this work. I help my neighbor to answer these questions. The rest of this morning's lessons follow the same path. Peaceful and interesting. 

.......................................................

After lunch, we have a Japanese history lesson. I love these classes. I'm very interested in this stuff, and my best grades are in this subject. 

It may sound strange, but World War II is my favorite period of history. I love to understand how the world turned into war in a few years. It's a case study. You learn to avoid things that can lead a nation to war. 

But today, we talk about the Meiji Era and how Japan became open to the West. We learn historical facts, but I know that some people hate this period of Japan's history. Some things will never change. 

During the lesson, I take a lot of notes. We'll have an assessment in two weeks. This one will be the easiest one for me. 

The last class is a maths one. I have to admit, I'm not fond of mathematics. Sometimes, during maths lessons, I doze. But today, thankfully, it's not the case. No exercises today, just notes. 

When the bell rings, some students rush outside. I could reach my room, but I need to take a book. I go towards the library. I really love the library. It's a quiet place, where you can work at your own pace. Also, Yuuko is very kind to us. 

When I reach my destination, I search for my book. Finding my way between the shelves, I see it in the literature section. I take this book, and I try to find a free table. But I can't see any. I don't mind sharing a desk. I take a seat, and I begin to take notes from this book. 

It's an interesting one, dealing with modern Japanese literature. A few minutes later, as I'm daydreaming, I notice that a tall blonde girl is right in front of me. 

I'm sure I have seen her before. I struggle with my own memory, to remember her name. For a few long minutes, I'm trying to put a name on this face. 

"Li...Lilly?" I speak very quietly. 

"Hmm?" I'm happy, I finally remembered her name. "Oh. Hello Kaori. How are you doing?" Her smile is frank. 

"Fine, thank you. To be honest, I didn't expect to see you there." 

"You can see me in the library very often. I like this place, it's quiet and peaceful." She told me, thinking the same things. "What are you reading?"

"A book about modern Japanese literature. I can't explain why, but I love this subject." I answer, speaking in a low voice. 

"If you like modern literature in general, I can recommend some books to you." She says, with a kind tone. 

"I would like to see your recommendations."

She pauses a bit. I try to decipher the title of one of her books, but I can't read Braille. The little dots on the front cover must be Braille. 

"How's your relation with Saki?" She asks me. 

I'm a bit surprised. Lilly's question takes me by surprise, and I stay quiet for seconds. It seems she's aware of a lot of things. 

"It's fine, thanks, but how do you know..."

"Some things are pretty obvious. Like my relation with Hanako. It's the same with yours with Saki. I can see these things." She's smiling as she answers me. 

"Saki is my best friend, and she means a lot to me. " I answer her. "But I thought I was relatively discreet about that."

"Even when you try to be discreet, some things are obvious. But it's nice to see that someone here is important to you." She says with a kind smile.

"Aside from Hanako, are you close to someone else?" I ask her. 

"I have some friends in this school, but she's the girl I am the closest to." Her voice is low but sweet.

Then, I start retaking notes. Sometimes, we break the silence, talking about ordinary stuff. I really like to speak with Lilly. 

We stay until closing time. I could spend all day in the library. She gives me some book recommendations, but just before we split, she asks me a question. 

"Sometimes, in the late afternoon, I drink tea with Hanako. Would you like to join us? I'm sure she would like your company."

It's a nice offer. How could I refuse?

"Sure. I can't refuse to join a tea party. Especially with nice people", I say frankly.

She smiles and gives me the place and hours. I write these pieces of information down in my mind, and then, we split. I wish I could spend more time with her. She's really kind to me. I don't want to delude myself and get ideas. If I do well, I wish we could be friends. 

I just have to wait and see.


	8. Checkmate

The water is like a mirror. On the diving board, I look at my body's reflection. Curves are waving, it's pretty funny. But I'm here to swim. I take a huge breath, and I dive. It seems that water is pretty cold today, but it's okay. 

I start swimming. I'm nearly alone, I woke up earlier this morning to train myself before classes. I'm focused on my objective. I must be at my best for the tournament. Swimming slowly, I do a few lengths as a warmup. 

I'm trying to swim most of the time underwater. I need to improve my breathing, so this training is excellent. My warmup finished, the real training begins. Today, I'll swim faster than usual. I need to improve my swimming speed. Doing the crawl, I start to swim fast. 

On the third length, I find my cruising speed. It's a bit faster than usual, but it's bearable. My heart rate increases a tiny bit. If I control my speed, everything will be okay. 

Water is waving on my body as I carry on. Sometimes, my mouth and my nose are underwater but not for long. I don't have to be afraid, I can control the situation. 

I do some bursts of speed. If I'm on a battle against an opponent, speed will be the key to victory. Also, I must be unpredictable. During a full half-hour, I work on my speed. I don't know how many lengths I did, it's not important. When I leave the pool, some people dive in.

I deserve a hot shower. It takes me ten minutes to take a shower. I hate this chlorine smell, so, I do everything I can to eliminate it. I leave the shower, and I bump into one of my swimming partners. 

"Oh, Hi Kaori. You were training for the tournament?" He asks me. I can't remember his name, as usual. 

"Yes. I needed to work on my speed. What will you do?"

"I'll work on my stamina today. I worked too much on my speed last week, I need to change that." He sniggers.

I wish him good luck, and I reach my classroom. I can't wait to swim against my opponents. 

................................................

It seems this morning will be boring. Taking notes, and that's all. Not a fancy program, I just have to make do. Daydreaming, I doodle something on the margin of my notebook. I'm barely focused, but I know what this lesson is about. My neighbor dozes on the table. An ordinary morning after all. 

A nice change occurs at the end of the morning. We have a classical literature lesson. Every time we talk about literature in class, I'm really focused. Today, we talk about classical Japanese literature with some haikus. 

I'm fascinated by people who can write a masterpiece with only a few words. I know I'm not able to do something like that, but I love reading these poems. The teacher explains to us how to write a haiku. I'm taking notes because I find this fascinating. 

My writing skills are awful, and when I try to write a poem, the result is embarrassing. But never mind, I want to improve my writing. Hopefully, I won't need to write a poem during my assessment. I would like to, but I'm not able to write a good poem. 

Today, I will eat alone, but that's fine. Sometimes, it's nice to be alone to cogitate about new things. Occasionally, when I eat alone, I find some new riffs. Then, I write them down. 

......................................................................

Fortunately, the afternoon's lessons are a bit better. Science and English. When science's teacher comes, he tells us we'll talk about some scientific theories. I love when we do something like that. 

We talk about black holes. I don't even know how such a thing can work. I know it vacuums light up, but I don't know how. Some students give some theories, and the teacher guides us towards the truth. 

Like that, I lose track of time. This kind of lesson is exciting, and thanks to that, I can appreciate science. They give some theories about one or two other things, and then, the class is over. 

But my joy was short-lived. We'll have to talk in English. I don't mind speaking in public, but my English accent is awful. Obviously, I'm not the only one with a dreadful accent. 

Today, we have to read aloud. The teacher gives the sheets out. I begin to read it quietly. It seems this text is not difficult to understand. However, she asks me to read first. 

The first words are pretty easy to read. But I have trouble reading some phonemes. My pronunciation is terrible, and for some words, I have to read it three or four times.

That's why I hate to speak English in front of people. I love this language, but I try to avoid speaking. The teacher helps me with some words' pronunciation, then someone else reads. 

Two and a half minutes for three lines. I feel a bit ashamed, but I did my job. However, I'm doing everything I can to overcome my shortcomings. When the lesson is over, I sigh. I wonder if I'll be able to speak English correctly someday. Nevertheless, I'll clear my mind.

I remember about this sweet tea party invitation. I think that the girl who gave me this invite was Lilly. This is the only name which comes up in my mind, after a minute of reflection.

I head for the room she told me about. The door is ajar, and I hear two voices. I only recognize the first one. When I walk into the room, the blonde girl, who must be Lilly, asks a question to her friend.

"Hanako, dear, who's there?"

"A girl... who's in my class." answers the girl with dark purple hair. 

The blonde girl cogitates a few seconds, then she smiles frankly. 

"So, you're here Kaori. Welcome. Please, have a seat." she says to me with a sweet tone. 

"Thanks, Lilly" I answer. 

She smiles happily when I say her name. I finally managed to remember her name, and I'm proud of myself. I will never recognize her face, and I must find a stratagem to remember it, but I have time.

She serves me a cup of tea, and I thank her frankly. I really like hot tea, so I'm pleased. Outside, the sun slowly goes down. We talk about trivial things, but I notice something's wrong. 

The girl with dark purple hair seems to be embarrassed. I don't know why, but I remember what Lilly told me about her. She's very shy, so that explains everything. 

Suddenly, an idea pops up in my mind. 

"Lilly, you're half Scottish, right?" I ask, all of a sudden.

"Yes, that's what I told you" she smiles. "But can I know why this question suddenly came in your mind?"

"I have trouble reading English so... I wonder you speak English very well." I answer, honestly. 

"Oh." She pauses a bit. "You need some help about that?"

"Yes... If you don't mind." I lower my eyes. 

"You can ask me everything you want about that. I'd be glad to help you." She answers with a sweet but motherly tone.

I thank her with all my honesty. Generally, I don't ask for help. Yet I need it sometimes. My pride prevents me from asking for help. I sip my tea. This place is quiet, I love that. Then, Lilly takes a board game. I recognize this one. This board is used in chess and draughts games. 

"Kaori, do you know how to play chess?" She asks me. 

"Not really. My father wanted to teach me when I was younger, but he never had the time."

"I think we can teach you if you want," Lilly answers me.

I accept her offer. They put the pieces in place, and the game starts. I understand absolutely nothing, from the rules to the movements. Nevertheless, I find this game captivating, even if it's incomprehensible for me. I try to understand something, but it's too blurry for me. 

It seems it's a close game. But after a few long minutes, Lilly wins the game. In fact, that's what she said. It will take a long time to learn to play chess. I know nothing about it so it will take time to learn the rules, the movements, and everything else. 

I take another cup of tea and ask some questions about this game. Even with Lilly's explanations, I understand nothing. When my cup is finished, we split, and I reach my bedroom. I have a whole hour to read before dinner. 

.........................................

In the queue, I wonder what can I eat today. I should take the same thing as usual, but for once, I want to change. 

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't notice that someone poked my arm. Then, I feel that someone hugs me like a koala. It must be Saki, she's the only one who does this with me. 

"You won't eat alone, I'm here for you," Saki says to me, with her sweet voice.

I laugh, and when it's our turn, she jumps off. I take some fish with greens and an egg. Saki takes pork with rice, and we take a seat. 

We begin to eat, as she tells me her day. Saki knows how to make things interesting. I listen to everything she tells me with great interest. I take a big bite of fish, and something pops out in my mind. 

"Oh, I forgot to mention. I asked Lilly if she could help me with my oral skills in English." 

"And what did she say?" She asks me with interest.

"She said she'll help me every time I need it. Lilly is very kind, I thanked her so much for that."

"Nice. But try to not fall in love with her during the process." She says, sticking her tongue out at me. 

Saki knows that I prefer girls to boys, and she jokes about that sometimes. I know she's just kidding, I never took it badly. The rest of the meal is quiet. The silence is occasionally broken by frivolities. When I spend time with my best friend, nothing else matters. 

When our meal is finished, we reach our own rooms. I hug her in front of my room, and I jump into my bed. I won't sleep now, I need to read before. As usual.


	9. Whisper

The last week was pretty dull, I did the same training every day. It doesn't bother me to do the same thing day after day, but sometimes, I feel the need to change something. 

That's just what I did yesterday, I've changed my training sessions. Today, I will swim a lot faster than usual. And I don't care if I swim half an hour instead of a whole hour. I need to increase my speed if I want to beat my rivals. 

Also, the nurse told me to swim faster than usual sometimes. For him, it wouldn't hurt, and I trust him. After all, he never lied to me. I take a huge breath before diving. Every time I'm underwater, I try to keep my eyes closed. Chlorine is a sneaky thing, and once it reaches your eyes, it's too late. 

I could've taken diving goggles, but I forget it every time, and I need to keep my eyes closed underwater. I don't know why, but I always thought I swam oddly. Mom told me it was only an impression. 

After my traditional warmup, I begin to swim faster than usual. I check my heart rate every minute, and when it's too high even if I do a physical effort, I take a little break.

My heart is the only thing which can stop me while I'm doing something. Sometimes, I found a way to prevent pain or fear, but occasionally, my heart wins, and I need to stop.

Over half an hour, I took two breaks. I took the second break because I felt a pain in my chest. Every time I feel a pain like that, I'm afraid, I just can't help it. 

A half an hour training at high speed is enough for me, I'm short of breath. But in fact, it was an excellent training, I'm proud of myself. I deserve a warm shower, and I must avoid dozing. I don't know if I'm ready for the tournament, but in a few days, my level won't rise anymore. I don't expect to win, but I'll do my best.

While the hot water is running on my skin, I wonder what I could do after school. Lilly offered to help me with my English oral skills, so I would ask her to help me after school. 

The steam from the hot water is lovely, I love that. Even in the summer, I can't bear cold showers. In my mind, cold water is like rain, and I hate rain from years now. After a long shower, I go back to my room to get dressed for school. I think it will be a perfect day. There is not a cloud in sight. 

............................

The first lesson of the day is Japanese. We have to work on a few kanji. These are handy, especially if you want reading some newspapers. When I write down a kanji, I do every time the same thing. I write down the kanji correctly, then the reading in kana, and some examples to know when and how to use it.

I'm not a very fast learner, so I have to do it multiple times. It's the only way, for me, to learn some kanji. I'm not able to learn something if I'm only reading it, except for history, I don't even know why. 

Then, the science teacher comes. It seems we're about to speak about stars. This is something I find fascinating, I like every little thing about space. I write down every important thing. We could have a test about it, so I have to foresee every eventuality. I have to work hard if I want to succeed.

This is something I try to do every day, but sometimes, I don't give that impression, and I know that. However, I try my best, but from time to time, this is not enough. At the end of the lesson, the teacher seems to be more tired than before. Nevertheless, he seems to be always tired, he must work a lot for us. 

The two other lessons of the morning are English and literature. We have a little test during the English class. Fortunately, it's only reading comprehension. 

My writing skills are not too shabby, so I can manage to do something. There are two parts on this test. Some questions about a text and an essay. We have to talk about our favorite film genre. I have chosen the science-fiction genre. I love this kind of movies, so I have a lot of things to write about that. 

I stop to write a few seconds before the end of the test. I have to admit, I'm proud of myself. It may seem a bit paradoxical, but my writing skills are better than my oral skills. 

The final lesson of the morning is more peaceful. I love to hear my teacher speaking about literature when I'm daydreaming. I still take some notes, though. 

...........................

After a good lunch break, I'm ready for the afternoon. Japanese literature and Japanese history. A nice schedule for me. The weather is lovely, but I must focus on these lessons. 

When I love a subject, time seems to slow down, but I can't explain why. It doesn't bother me, so for me, this is quite normal. Several students are dozing, but after lunch, it's pretty standard. 

Today's subject is not one of my favorites, but it's still interesting, as Japanese literature should be. Not for everybody, that being said. 

Suddenly, an idea pops into my head. I should go to the library this week, I need to borrow a book. It sometimes happens, right in the middle of a lesson, I think that I need to borrow a book. I don't even know why it happens. 

However, during the last lesson of the day, Japanese history, I have a lot of questions. Questions about battles. I ask the teacher about the reasons why some battles happened during the war. He seems to be happy to see interested students. History is a passion of mine, I have to admit. Sometimes, I think that I would be teaching it in the future.

I note every answer, and I'm satisfied. During a test, personal knowledge can make a huge difference. That's why I try, as much as possible, to improve my historical knowledge. When the lesson is finished, I take my English book, and I head for the room where I took tea with Lilly and Hanako last time.

I think she's Hanako, it's the only name I can put on her. But I could be wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. I remember that I called Saki with incorrect names before. 

When I reach the room, I found it empty. They must be at the library. But once there, I can't find them. They could be outside, so I'm leaving the main building. 

In fact, they're outside, sitting under the shade of a tree. I greet them, and I sit down next to Lilly. Well, I think this girl is Lilly. The dark purple haired girl is quiet when her friend talks to me. We talk about school stuff for a long time. Lilly manages to be quite interesting while she talks about school, I'm impressed. 

" Oh, I forgot something. You offered me your help, right? "

" Yes, I did. Do you need help? " She asks me.

" Yes. I have to read a text and answering questions about it. But I don't know how to read a few words. " I answer her, looking at my feet.

Smiling, she asks me to start reading. The beginning of the text is easy for me, I understand every word. But the third paragraph is tricky, and she instantly notices it. 

A particular word bothers me. It's written whisper, but I don't even know how to pronounce it. I think I'm butchering this word, but luckily, Lilly rushes to my rescue. 

" You have to pronounce it whisper. " She says to me with a kind smile. 

She deconstructs the word, pronouncing each syllable in it, and I'm writing it in my mind. Also, Lilly pronounces this word in a whisper, to give me the meaning. 

Then, I continue reading. She helps me to pronounce some words and gives me the meaning of a couple words. Lilly is very kind to me, I really appreciate it. The last paragraph, fortunately, is as easy as the first one. 

When I close my English book, the dark purple haired girl begins to talk, with a small voice. She's pretty shy, it's a fact, and I don't know what to do to appease her. 

She talks about chess. It seems that she loves this game. That's too complicated for me, but I try to understand some things. This is not the case at all, I don't understand anything. 

Nevertheless, that sounds interesting. Even if I understand nothing. I ask some questions, but the answers aren't clear for me. Never mind, I can pretend I understand something. 

" You know, Kaori, if you need help someday, just ask me. I will help you with pleasure. " Lilly says to me with a kind voice.

" I appreciate it, really. But I'll must owe you something. "

" You can do whatever you want. I like to help students when they have troubles with this language. " She smiles at me. 

" The only thing I can teach to someone is how to play the guitar. " I laugh, shrugging my shoulders.

" If you want to. I never thought to play guitar, but someday, I think I will. I will ask you if I need help. " She says to me with a slight laugh. 

I would pay good money to spend more and more time with them. If Saki were here, it would be heaven, for me at least. I think Lilly will be a good friend of mine, she's adorable with me, and I have to admit, I like her for that.


	10. Wandering

Mom called me this morning. Firstly, I thought that something was wrong, then I remembered. Every week, she calls to bring me some news. And surprisingly, everything was fine, as usual. Sometimes, I'm worrying too much about insignificant things. Dad was fine, she was fine, everything was alright. 

I told her a lot of things about school, from homework to lessons. I'm aware she loves to know what I'm doing at school, that's why I told her everything. I can talk to my mother for hours, but I know this is not possible. 

Dad is fine, it's a fact, but he stills bring work back at home. He always worked hard, at least since I was born. But when I had my heart attack, my father decided to work harder, to give me everything I could need. He always neglects his own health to take care of me, as much as possible. 

Sometimes, at the end of the week, I love to hang out with Saki, especially in the park or in the woods. Walking with my best friend is one of the things I cherish.

Opening my closet, I take a black tank top with a white jean. That is rare enough to warrant drawing attention to it, I wear white pants barely one time a month. But I love these things, so I should do it more often. I take my black sneakers too, and I'm ready. The weather is lovely outside, perfect for a little stroll in the city. I leave my bedroom and head for Saki's room. She must be studying or daydreaming, as usual, so a walk won't bother her. 

In the hallway, some students are chatting, and provide for a walk too. In front of her door, I knock a little bit. I don't have to wait more than four or five seconds. She's happy to see me, as usual, so as for me.

" You're up early today," Saki says to me with a smile. 

" Mom called me this morning, like every week. And I thought you might want to take a walk." I answer her. 

" I'm always ready to do something with my best friend. Just let me get dressed, and we're done."

I lay down on her bed, as she put a cute white dress on. She has excellent taste concerning clothes. That's why, sometimes, I ask her for help when I buy clothes. 

" Do you know where do you want to go?" She asks me.

" What about the city? We could also do some window-shopping." 

" Why not, that's a good idea. Checking out the good stuff for future purchases can be great." She seems to be really happy about that. 

We're finally ready, and we leave the dorm. We're not in summer, but for me, the end of spring is always enjoyable. She puts her arm underneath mine, and we head for the city. 

It takes quite a bit of time to reach the city. There are no students in sight apart from us. A gentle breeze blows, it feels refreshing. I'm not a huge fan of winds, but sometimes, they're pleasant. 

On our way, we talk about our families. She doesn't frequently speak about her parents, but when she does it, I'm attentive to every detail. Saki is quite discreet on specific subjects, but not with me. We're honest about everything to each other. 

" Kaori, before I forget, Mom asked me if you want to come home someday." She asks me with a little smile.

" How could I refuse a kind invitation? Of course, I will." I answer her, frankly. 

She seems to be happy to hear my answer. I never say no to Saki, except when I can't do something. She's aware that my condition doesn't allow me to do some things, and she acts accordingly, like me with her. 

I don't have anything planned for summer, so I could spend my time with Saki. Mom and dad would agree with me, they love her. 

The breeze blows as we walk slower than usual, to spare Saki's legs. In the town, we roam around, without a purpose. She starts to look at some clothes in a shop window. She seems to be interested in a black dress. I have to admit, it's a cute little dress, it must suit her well. Sadly, the store is closed, so we can't try on clothes. We should come back another day.

" I'm a bit afraid."

" Why are you afraid, sweetheart?" She asks me, with a worried air. 

" I don't know why, but before a tournament, I'm always frightened. I can't explain why, but I can't help it. "

" I see. You're afraid to do anything wrong, right? It won't happen, Kaori. You're a good swimmer, I know that. I believe in you, you'll be great." She says to me with a beautiful smile.

Saki knows how to calm me down, and I like her for that. She's always there for me, so as I am for her. Our conversation drifts towards school. I may be her best friend, she meets new people, and I'm happy about that. 

" I met a second-year two weeks ago. She's kind, I have to admit. " Saki says, with a laugh. 

" Nice. How did you meet her?" I ask her curious to learn more.

" At the refectory. She was alone and wanted to sit down with someone. So I had invited her to take a seat. It seems that she's legally blind. But, are you doing okay with Lilly?"

" Pretty well. I asked her for help with my reading. My English oral skills are a shame, you know that. So she helped me with my pronunciation." I laugh when I say that.

" At least, she managed to survive. " She laughs even louder. 

I give her a little nudge while laughing. I'm happy to see that Saki meets new friends, like that we have a lot of things to say. 

" I think she's really kind to me, what do you think about it?" I ask her, impatient to hear her answer. 

" For what I heard about her, she is. And, I know you, if you ask me this kind of questions, it's because you have something on your mind." Saki says, squitting, nearly taunting me. 

" I have to admit, I like her, but that's all. I wanted to know your opinion about her." I answer her, laughing. 

" I think she will be a good friend to you. No, I don't think, I'm sure of it." When Saki talks like that, she's honest.

However, I notice that she's looking my shoulders insistently. I know every inch of my best friend, and when Saki acts like that, I know what she desires. Then, I squat down, to allow her to climb on my shoulders. I'm much taller than her, and I don't even know why, but she loves that. She places her legs around my neck, and I stand up straight. 

I'll do everything for Saki, even the weirdest things. I just want her to be happy, as much as I can. So, I roam, with my best friend on my shoulders. And she's happy, I can feel it, as she gently laughs. When I was young, I loved to climb on my father's shoulders, I don't even know why. So, I can totally understand why she loves something like that. Furthermore, when her legs are weak, it's an excellent way to help her. 

" You know what? Today, I'll try to reach school with you on my shoulders. I think I can do it." Sometimes, I'm confident, maybe too confident. 

" If you succeed, I would be really proud of you. I'm trusting you, you can do it." 

Saki is not too heavy, consequently, I don't hurt my back. However, I keep an eye on my heart pace. Every time I make an effort, I must watch it carefully to avoid heart pain or even worse. 

I can walk at my own pace. It's a fact, I'm tall, and I walk quickly. There's nothing I can do about it, even though I have tried everything. On the way, we talk about what we can do during the holidays. I know I can't spend my entire break with her, but we can schedule things.

Last year we spent a few days by the sea, alone without our parents. It was wonderful, just my best friend and me on a beach. We could do it again this year, maybe. 

We reach the school, and the first thing I try to find is a bench, to allow her to get down. It was about time, my heart pace increased a lot. But I'll do anything for her, anything that I'm able to do of course. 

" Finally. Well, I guess you enjoyed the ride, you look like a kid on Christmas Eve." I say, with a smile. 

" Thanks, sweetheart." Her voice is sweet when she says something like that. 

I know that I won't find anyone like her anymore, and I don't expect it. I cherish our relationship as much as I can, without thinking about anything else. 

Moreover, our paths will move apart at university. But holidays are made to spend time with your family or your friends, so it doesn't really matter. We just need to seize the day, and everything will be fine. 

Without Saki, my life would be mournful, and I thank her every day for what she did for me. I will never leave her behind, and she won't either. We're friends, and that's what friends are for. I regard Lilly as a friend too. My third year at Yamaku finally became my best school year so far.


	11. Submerged

I wake up with a knot in my stomach. This is the first time for me, I never did such a thing. And I'm clearly not ready, I slept for only four hours. I don't expect anything today, I know it will be huge mess. I take my pills with a sip of water. A little part of me tells me that I have a chance to do something, but I don't listen to this little voice. Hopefully, my parents aren't there today. 

Yesterday, I made some pasta. They're cold but still edible, and I need to eat something nourishing. I wake up, and the first thing I do is to grab my plate. One and half an hour left, and I don't know what to do next. I devour my pasta, and I reach the bathroom to do some quick dish washing. I hate to do this, but it's necessary, I need to keep my dishes clean. Once my dish washing is done, I head for my bedroom to prepare myself mentally. I feel sick because of stress. In fact, I never managed to calm myself when I was stressed like that. 

My bedroom is plunged into darkness, and I lay down on my bed. I inhale deeply and try to clear my head. But it doesn't work, so I don't insist. I just have to relax a bit, and everything will be fine. At least that's what I hope. When the time has come, I put my swimming suit on under some clothes. My heart is racing, and I don't manage to calm myself. Never mind, I have to face it, no matter what happens. 

At the swimming pool, I try, once again, to clear my mind, unsuccessfully. I'm getting undressed, and I take a huge breath. This is too late now, I can't walk away anymore. When everyone is ready, we take place. On the diving board, my throat starts constricting. Why the fuck did I agree to this? Sometimes, I need to think more with my head. 

Then the real fun begins. Once again, I take a huge breath, and I dive. The first trial is a 50-meter freestyle. Not the kind of things I like that much. On the first meters, I'm outdistanced by two guys. I have to admit, they swim pretty fast, I cannot compete with them. Nevertheless, I begin to crawl, and I achieve, at the 25-meter line, to be in the middle of the pack. 

My breathing is getting heavier, as I try to swim even faster on the last meters, without any success. The winner is one of these two guys, and he deserves it. We were 10, and I was in fifth place, not bad for a thing I hate to do. At least we have a break between trials. The second one is a 100-meter freestyle, but I can do something. It's a fact, my stamina is a little bit better than my swimming speed, considering my own condition. 

My heart is beating like crazy, but I try to do some breathing exercises. It helped a little bit but not so much. The audience in the pool is seething with excitement, which I can understand, some students here are excellent swimmers. Deep inside me, I feel that I must have my revenge. And it's probably totally silly, but sometimes, I don't know what I'm thinking. Once again, I'm on the diving board, staring at the water's surface. 

The second race starts a few seconds later. On the first meters, I swim at my own pace, but I decide to swim a lot faster. That was one of the dumbest decisions I made. For a few meters, it works like a charm. But quickly, as I swim a lot faster than usual to restore my pride, I feel a piercing pain in my chest. I shall immediately cease swimming because I'm not able to breathe correctly anymore. 

I don't even know how I manage to leave the pool, but in fact, I don't want to know. I lay down, trying to breathe, without any success. I'm starting to shake, fear and anxiety are not a good mix at all. It's getting worse quickly, and then, my vision blurs, as the only thing I can hear is my heartbeat. Deep inside me, I try to cling to life. I don't want to die because of my foolishness.

The only thing I remember, before a total blackout, is a deep breath. 

.....................................

When I wake up, I look around me. I know this dull and boring white place. The nurse's office. It makes sense, given my condition a few hours before. That being said, the last thing I expected was to feel a hand on my shoulder. I have to admit, I was a bit disturbed. However, this feeling vanished quickly when I feel something I really like. Only two people take my hand like that, and the only one who can be there today is Saki. But, before I can say anything, she gave me a sermon, in her own way, without any anger or raising her voice unnecessarily. 

" I know what you want to say, and don't say that you're sorry. Nurse won't tell you the truth like I'll do, but what were you thinking, seriously?" Saki's voice is low. I can detect a bit of sadness too. 

" I don't have any excuse, that was...."

" Dumb, yes, extremely foolish. You nearly die for a race, just consider this thing."

She hugs me frankly and cries a little. I can count on one hand the number of times I see her crying because of me. And every time, I hate myself for that. The only thing I can do, for now, is to hug her as much as I can. I don't mean to make Saki sad, and even though I know, she can't stay mad at me for a long time.

" I love you in ways you can't even begin to imagine, Kaori. And I don't want to lose my best friend for stupid reasons, so don't try to do it once again, even to restore your foolish pride." She speaks to me with a firm but motherly voice.

I didn't say anything, but she's right. I did one of the dumbest things I've ever done just to restore my pride. But life doesn't work like that, and I learned it the hard way. It is this moment Nurse choose to tell me the truth. He never lied to me, but sometimes, he sugarcoats things to soothe me. He seems to be bothered by something, but I don't know what or why. I expect him to give me a sermon too. 

" Let me be frank with you, Kaori. Swimming is a good thing for your heart, but not this kind of swimming. I don't have any good news for you. That being said, I would ask you to stop swimming for a few days, and once you'll be fine, to swim slower."

He's right, I can't disagree with that. What happened today happened by my own fault. I have to draw some lessons from that, and I begin to understand why he asked me to never swim fast. 

" You know, Saki told me the same thing. And you're right, both of you. It was dumb, I know that, and, in the future, I will listen to you, carefully. I don't have any other choice." I answer him with a little voice. 

Saki nestles her head against my neck. I gently stroke her hair, as Nurse let us alone. It may sound paradoxical, but her breathing brings me peace, I don't even know why. She stays with me a full half-hour before leaving. Then, at the end of the afternoon, Nurse let me go. I had to promise him that I will keep my words. I never lied to him, so I won't start today. 

I reach my room, and I collapse on my bed. I sigh, thinking that I was really dumb today. Hopefully, Mom and Dad weren't there today, it would have been worse. My parents, especially my mother, are always worried about me. Should I call her, to tell the truth? I don't think so, I don't want to worry her. She will be undoubtedly aware of it later, but for now, I want to clear my head.

There's a book about Japanese medieval history on my night table. I open it and start reading a chapter about the Kamakura shogunate, a military government that ruled over two centuries. I really like to learn things about my own country's history. When I read, I don't know where the time goes. It's evidence that shows that I like what I'm reading. Concerning my training, I will do what Nurse told me to do, skipping swimming for a few days, and then, swimming slowly. 

Once again, I take a pill and a sip of water. My life depends on it, and I also have to accept that I have my own limits. I have to deny my own pride if I want to stay alive. It's not that easy, but I can do it. Tomorrow should be better. It can't get worse, I'm sure of it. If I'm submerged by bad thoughts, I can count on Saki, and maybe Lilly. And someday, I would be in their debts.


	12. Warm reunion

The last week was pretty boring. At least, I tried to do my best to avoid doing stupid things since the tournament. Luckily, Saki isn't mad at me anymore, and that's all that matters to me.

I still feel a residual pain in my chest, but it's usual when you're dumb enough to deny your own limits. It will pass, I need some time for that. It can't be painful forever, but patience is not my strength sometimes. I have to deal with it anyway.

I woke up later this morning, just because Nurse told me to avoid swimming for a few days. So, my entire day is free, but I don't know what to do this morning. However, I'm hungry, so it could be a good idea to get something to eat. I put my clothes on, and I leave the dorm to reach the refectory. The weather isn't nice at all, but nevermind, it's just a quick walk.

There's a lot of students in the refectory, and that's normal given how late I woke up. But it doesn't matter because I have all my time. In the queue, I can choose collectedly what I want to eat. And for once, I will change my habits, a bit.

I will take a miso soup, a bit of salmon and some cucumber and everything will be fine. Salmon is my favorite fish, even if I'm not really fond of these things. When my turn comes, I choose what I want to eat, and I look for an empty seat. I don't recognize anyone there, but this is not a problem for now. Sometimes, I like to eat alone, but not so much, so I try to avoid it as much as I can.

I begin to eat, and I already know that everything will disappear in less than 15 minutes. It's a fact, I eat quickly, even Saki often tells me to eat slower, but I can't change my habits like that.

While I'm eating, I wonder why I can do this afternoon. I don't really want to read a book, so hanging out with Saki or Lilly would be a good thing. Nevertheless, I have to finish my breakfast before doing anything. The fish is delicious, even if it's not a big piece. I should have taken more of it, but I think this is enough. Then, I take a sip of my soup. Not too warm but not cold at all. I don't really like to eat soups, but this time, I can make an exception.

In three or four swallows, my bowl is empty. For my taste, a little bit of salt would have been fantastic, but I have to avoid it for the sake of my heart. Last but not least, the cucumber is a bit vinegared, but I love this taste, so it doesn't matter. It may be weird, but I eat cucumbers only in a salad, it's a habit I've had since my youth. A bit more of vinegar would have been great, but I have to deal with it.

When my plate is empty, I take my tray, and I leave this table. On my way to the dorm, I wonder what I can do this afternoon. Mom didn't call me this morning, but maybe she's busy at home, so I'm not worried at all.

That being said, the simple fact to take my uniform off is a real pleasure. I don't really like this thing, but I have to wear it every day because the rules are the rules. I already know what kind of clothes I want to wear today. A light blue tank top with blue jeans and sneakers will be a perfect choice. Some students stroll with their uniforms, the others wear casual clothes. Everyone does what they like after all.

In my room, I toss my uniform on my chair. In underwear, I go through my locker to find the clothes I want. When I put my jeans on, someone knocks at the door. I don't bother to pull my tank top on, I'm in my room in the girls' dorm, I have nothing to fear.

I open the door and see a girl in front of me. I'm still a bit tired, so I don't remember her face, but something catches my attention. I know that smell, it's Saki's perfume. I know her smell by heart, and I know I can't make a mistake on this subject. But today, her hairdo is a bit different, I don't even know why. At least, this is what I see, even with her usual haircut I can't recognize her without her smell.

She hugs me frankly and comes into my room. Saki seems that she wants to tell me something, so I let her speak.

"It seems that you're ready. Great, I hope you have nothing to do today because I have something for you."

"I guess you don't want to tell me what you want to do because you would have told me already. Go ahead, I follow you." I answer to her.

I take my wallet anyway, and we leave the dorm. I have no idea where we're going, but I trust Saki. As we leave the school, we see two adults next to the gate. When we reach them, they pass from being unknown to well-known people.

I know this perfume and the woman who wears it. She's my mother, this fragrance with lime can't lie. The man next to her has a necklace with a silver pearl, and it makes me smile greatly. He's my father, and I pounce on him instantly. I missed him so much, and I'm glad to see him. Now, I understand why Mom didn't call me this morning, they prepared a surprise for me. It seems that Dad takes his day off just for me. I don't want to know why, I'm just happy to see my parents.

"Dad, you finally came. I have a lot of things to say, you know."

So, we are going to town together. On the way, I speak a lot with my parents, while Saki walks next to me, arm in arm with me. They ask me a lot of questions about school. When dad asks me how it goes when I swim, I stay quiet for a few seconds, looking at Saki with a worried air. I don't really want to worry my father about my heart problems and my own stupidity. However, I want to be honest with them.

"I screwed up last week, we had a swimming tournament, and I pushed myself too hard. So, my heart failed..." Obviously, they are very worried, it's only because of me.

"However, I gave her a lecture, and she understood, so everything is fine." Saki, with her words, achieves to calm my parents down. I admire her a lot in this matter.

When we arrive in the town next to the school, my parents are looking everywhere. In three years, they never came here, and it seems they're happy to be there.

We do some window shopping, and when we reach a book shop, Saki keeps me out. I know her by heart, and she does something like that to buy me a present. Anyway, I'll do the same, so whatever. When she does her shopping, I ask a lot of questions to my father. How it goes at work, at home, if he sleeps well, that kind of things. I know that he's worried about me, but I'm concerned about him too.

I would have liked him to take care of himself, but he's kind of stubborn. Like father, like daughter, and there's nothing we can do about that. Notwithstanding, I'd like him to listen to me, sometimes.

I also told them that I met a girl. Mom looks at me with a kind smile because she's aware of my orientation. I think she's making assumptions, but I'm not sure, I'm not in her head. At least they're happy that I meet some new friends.

Saki takes her time in the shop. She always takes her time while she buys something to me as if she wants to buy the perfect gift. I have nothing to say about that, I can spend an entire hour looking for a specific figurine or book for her. She leaves the shop after fifteen minutes, and hide something behind her back. However, she doesn't waste time and tells me that she has a book for me. My best friend's smile can't lie, she's happy to give me a gift.

Saki gives me a book about Japanese mythology, my favorite subject aside from Japanese history. I'm glad to receive this gift from her, and I hug her frankly. She puts her head against my neck as I hold her tight. She knows me by heart and knows how to please me, so I'm pleased. Any excuse is good for hugging her, I can do it whenever I want. While I'm hugging her, I wonder what I can buy to her in the future. I don't owe anything, but I want to please her too.

I kiss her on the forehead as I thank her. I don't have enough money for her gift, so we'll have to wait a bit. My book under my arm, I want to show the city's park to my parents. I love this place, it's a spot where I like to go alone or with Saki. It's a peaceful and lovely place, with plenty of shade. During the summer, you have to go there if you want to cool off a bit.

When we reach the park, we sit down under a sakura. These cherry trees are beautiful, and I won't miss their bloom for anything in the world. The weather is pretty nice, and I lay down in the grass like I did when I was younger. When I do this with people I love, I lose track of time. I don't know what time is it, and I don't give a fuck, I just want to enjoy this moment. A light breeze blows, as Saki asks questions about my childhood. She's curious, and that's pretty cute, I have to admit.

So, she learns a lot of things about my childhood. The cartoons I used to watch when I was a child, the food I liked to eat, or even the type of books I read. She seems to be very interested in these details, as much as I am interested in further information about her childhood too. We talk a lot about my childhood and some other stuff. I love laying down in the grass, but all good things must come to an end, and we have to go back to the school. However, I want to take my time, there's no reason to hurry.

On our way back, my parents give me some pocket money, as they usually do. I never asked for it, but it's a habit for them. I thank them as much as I can, even if I protest a bit against this particular amount. They need their money much more than I need it, and they know that.

I was thrilled to see my parents, and especially my father. They gave me a nice surprise, and that's why I love them. When we reach the school, I don't want them to leave now. Nevertheless, I'm not a child anymore, so it's time for me to say goodbye. I hug both of them as much as I can, but I've got to let them go. Mom promises me to call me every Sunday, and dad promises me to come more often. As they leave, Saki smiles.

"I like your parents, they're nice, I have to say," Saki says to me with a cute tone.

"And they like you a lot. Every time I speak with them, they ask how you are doing." I answer, with a smile.

"You're lucky to be their daughter. And they're lucky to be your parents. You're so cute when you are together."

I already know what to do now that we're alone. Spending my evening with my best friend. It is an excellent program, in my opinion. I've never been disappointed while spending time with her. And I cherish every second we spend together, because of our mutual condition. We have to look straight ahead, and that's what we do every day.


	13. Try not converted

Spending time with my parents made me happy, and thanks to this, I can start the week in the right way. We have an entire week free before starting the festival's preparations. I really like to help my classmates during this preparatory process, as much as I can. Sometimes, when I have some free time, I offer my help to the other classes. This week, however, we have some exams, but I'm confident, I work as hard as I can.

I have three exams. History, English, and Science. I'm only afraid of the science exam because I've got significant gaps in this matter, even if I try my best. For the other matters, I'm still confident. Everything will start this afternoon with the History exam. I'm not stressed at all, there's no reason to fear anything. If I work hard, I can do it, that's all.

I reach my classroom earlier than the majority of students. When I enter the room, we are just 4 or 5 people, nothing else. Learning kanjis early in the morning is not my strong point, I have to say. But if I want to read a newspaper with ease, I need to know how to read these signs.

Twenty minutes later, the lesson begins. This week, we continue to learn how to read and write the same ten kanjis than the last week. I write down a kanji stroke by stroke, following the writing direction. Then I write some examples to know how to use it in a sentence, with the pronunciation.

The teacher gives us sheets with writing exercises, with today's kanjis and previous ones. My level is not as good as I wanted it to be, but it's quite okay for now. For some signs, I have to read my notes to answer questions. But it's not a shame, some students need to do this too, I can see it in the classroom.

Nevertheless, I love to do calligraphy, especially at home; for me, it's beautiful. My calligraphy skills are not that great, because I'm not good with a brush in hand. Although if I try my hardest, it's a total mess.

My neighbor asks me for help because she sees that I'm three steps ahead of her. She doesn't understand the meaning of a specific kanji, and I give her some examples. It takes less than a minute for her to understand, and she thanks me with a smile.

The teacher picks up random sheets for grades, and she takes mine. My exercises are done just a few minutes before the end of the lesson. Not my best work, but I did my best, that's all that matters. The other classes of the morning are science, Japanese literature, and maths.

Maths is a pain in the ass for me, I don't know why but I hate this subject. During this kind of lesson, I'm counting every minute until the end because maths bores me. I'm a wordsmith, after all, not a scientist.

............................

After lunch, the real fun begins, with our History exam. I still come earlier than the other students, and I'm preparing myself mentally. I do it every time I need to pass an exam, it's a simple habit. Everything will be fine, I know that, but you can't change a habit that easily.

When everyone is here, the test begins. We have to answer questions by developing each answer. The period covered is wide, but it's not a problem for me. I start to answer these questions when the teacher gives me the sheet.

I have to name a few eras, and why they're called like that. It's pretty easy, and if you work a bit, these are easy points. It becomes a bit harder when we have to explain the primary trigger of specific wars. I don't know everything, of course, but I try to answer these questions with my own words. The last questions are harder than I thought, and I can't answer two or three of these. But I think I did a good job, I don't have to feel ashamed. Four or five minutes before the end, I'm done, and I surprise myself daydreaming.

When the English teacher comes into the classroom, I hope that this exam would be reading comprehension. And thank god, when she gives us our test, we have to read a text and answer questions. However, I have to admit, at first glance, this text is a lot harder than the previous ones. But this is the principle of a test, testing our knowledge and understanding. After reading, I pluck my courage to answer these questions. I try to understand one question after another.

The first ones are pretty easy, that being said, but it gets worse after the fourth one. I try to gather my knowledge, and I'm progressing slowly. If this exam is a total mess, the next one will end me. At least, I'm trying my best, but I already know that it won't be enough. At the end of the test, I was able to answer only ten of the fifteen questions we had. Though my last answers are short to save time, it won't work, I know that. I sigh when I return my copy to the teacher. I'm not proud of myself, but what's done is done.

Just a few moments before the Science test begins, I look around me. Fortunately, I'm not the only one who seems to be helpless. I work as hard as I can, but sometimes, it's not enough to fill my gaps.

When I see the topic of the exam, I'm astonished. We saw this subject in class, that's a fact, but I didn't understand a thing when we saw it. I already know that this one will be a total mess. However, I have to try a bit; otherwise, I won't be able to do it later. Calculations are harder than I expected, given that I'm failing science and maths, it's a nightmare for me. At least a few questions are easy, but it won't give me a good grade. Most of my classmates are as lost as I can be right now.

Time is running out quickly, a little too fast from my point of view. I get confused a bit, and I make some mistakes, without realizing it. That happens a lot in this matter, even though I'm trying as hard as I can. At the end of the test, I answered only half of the questions, which isn't a good thing at all.

Luckily, I can make up later, it's not over yet. The year is not over, and the most important exams will arrive later. I have the time for their preparation, and I will work a lot on that. Thankfully, it's over for today, and now, I can do what I want.

I go back to the dorm to put my school stuff on my desk. Today, I have to give a book back to Yuuko, and I won't borrow a new book. Saki bought me a nice one, and I have to read it. On my way, I wonder which grade I will receive for each test.

Notwithstanding, something draws my attention in front of the dorm. A guy leaves the building and acts strangely as if something or someone was against him. I've seen him before, but I don't know who he is, for me, he's just a random guy with glasses and a scarf. I wonder what happened as he runs to the main building. That was weird, but these things happen sometimes. When I reach my bedroom, I put my stuff on my desk, and I take my book. Now, time to head for the library.

I get there quickly, and the first thing I do, before giving back my book, is talking a bit with Yuuko. She has a lot of work at the Shanghai, a part-time job for her. I admire her because I already know that I won't be able to do such a thing.

I give the book back to her, and I leave her because, behind me, students need to borrow books. Roaming in the library, I look for an empty table to sit down a bit, unsuccessfully. Sitting down with someone I know would be a good thing, but with my trouble, it's not really easy.

I'm looking for a familiar face, in vain. In fact, details are more important for me than an entire face, because this is the only thing I can remember. And obviously, sometimes, I remember details, a name, and a few days later, I can't remember this name anymore. Suddenly, I see a blonde hair girl with a black ribbon in her hair. I know her, and above all, I like her. Sometimes, I have her name on the tip of my tongue, but it won't come out. If I want to remember her face, it's a lost cause, I will never be able to do it.

For example, Saki's face is a total blur to me, and my parents' faces too. Nevertheless, I sit down in front of her quietly, but she notices it and smiles kindly.

" Hi, Lilly, I'm glad to see you." Today, her name comes out instantly.

" Hello, Kaori, I'm glad you're here too. How was your day?" She asks, with a concerned tone.

" Not so good. We have three tests today, and two of these were a total mess. Especially the science one, the English test was not so bad." I sigh a bit, peeved.

" You know, you don't always have to do everything right. Mistakes are useful to allow you to progress. You can't make a mistake if you never try, so consider it a good thing." She says to me with a smile.

As we are in the library, we speak with a quiet tone, so as not to disturb the other students. I have to say, Lilly is kind to me, and I like her for that.

" I know that, but I'm still annoyed. I work as hard as I can, and sometimes, it's not enough. And I don't know what to do when it happens."

" You need help, that's all. I'm pretty sure you'll find people inclined to help you, as I do in English when you need it." She's right, and I know that.

" Yeah, you're right. But, you know, sometimes, I'm too proud to ask help on a particular subject. Even if I try to make an effort, I can't change this state of affairs." I'm not complaining at all, she needs to understand some facts.

" That's why friends are there for you. They understand, and at least they try to help. You can ask me whatever you want, I'll try to help you if I can." She answers me with a motherly tone.

" You can ask me whatever you want too, it's the least I can do for you in return," I declare, and she thanks me for that.

" Do you know what your class will do for the festival?" She asks me as if she already knows what they'll do.

" I don't know yet. However, I'll help my classmates as usual. Even our class delegate, although I don't like her. I can't remember her face, notwithstanding I remember all her acts. " It seems that she knows her well, given how much she sniggers.

" It's the right mindset, you should be proud of yourself. Some people can't put their disagreements aside, but at least you try." She smiles at me as she changes the subject of our conversation.

Like that, Lilly informs me that her class will run some food stands. It's a good idea which always works. A festival without food isn't a real festival, in my opinion. We'll have a very full schedule next week to prepare the festival.

" If I have enough time, I'll help you if you want. I'll do it for Saki this year, so feel free to ask me something." Offering her my help makes sense to me, and she thanks me again.

Then, we stay quiet, talking just a bit about insignificant things, until we leave the library together. On our way to the dorm, she tells me that her sister would come soon. Asking some questions, I learn that her name is Akira and that she's a lawyer. I'm actually impressed, I have to say. It's a very difficult job, and I already know what I won't be able to do something like that. I'm the only daughter of my parents, so I'm a bit envious. Saki is the closest thing to a sister for me, even if it isn't the same thing.

Before we split, she tells me that her tea invitation still stands. I wonder if this invitation hides the fact that she wants to see me more often. That being said, I want to see her more often, so it's beneficial for us. Saki would push me to do it anyway.

When I reach my room, I lay on my bed, and I start reading my new book bought by my best friend. When the first pages grab my attention like that, I know that my reading will be a real pleasure. I was never wrong about that.


	14. Class support

Thankfully, we had only three tests last week. This week is different in every way because we have some work to do for the festival. Therefore, we will have half of our afternoons free, which is useful to work on our class projects. Our homeroom teacher tells us what we will do this year. It seems that our stands would be varied, which is an excellent idea to me. I like to do different things and always try to fight routine. That being said, I have to admit that I have a routine sometimes.

Then our science lesson begins. My science test was a total mess, so I'm taking notes even more than usual. Getting bad grades is a thing, but I want to improve, and I'll do everything I can in that direction.

During the class, I ask some questions, like a few students. The teacher seems to be really happy to see students who are interested in his matter. I'm not a scientist, I know that, but I love discovering new things. I still don't understand some things, but I can ask some questions to the teacher later, he's inclined to help us as much as he can. When the lesson is over, I learned a few things about geothermal energy, which was the aim of the teacher.

When our English teacher comes, we know that today's lesson will be dedicated to oral expression. I curse my accent, which is literally awful. Even if I try my best to improve my pronunciation, I can't manage to do such a thing. We have an Indian student in our class, I think, and I have to admit, her pronunciation is almost perfect, with a cute accent. Such as Lilly's accent, even if it's not the same.

The teacher gives us a text to read. The Indian student begins with the hardest part of the text, and I'm the second one who reads. And as expected, I'm butchering everything with my accent, but the teacher helps me to pronounce some words. I understand what I read, that's not the problem, but sometimes, I don't know how to read some words, even if I know what they mean. As I finish reading, I keep a low profile, blushing with embarrassment.

Lilly told me that I don't always have to do everything right, and these words persist in my head. Maybe I won't be able to get rid of my accent, it doesn't matter after all. Learning English is essential for me because one day I could leave Japan and work abroad.

At least most of the students in this class have the same accent, so I'm not alone in my embarrassment. When the last student has read the last sentence, the teacher asks us some questions about this text. The first ones are pretty easy, so I let my comrades trying to answer. However, the last one is the hardest, but I want to try this time. In my own words, I try to explain how the character is affected in his life by the death of his father. However, I miss a few things, but at least I tried. I will make progress only if I try to participate in class.

During the other lessons of this morning, we have some exercises to do. I have to say, I like to do exercises in class, it allows us to make some progress over time. Nevertheless, this time, I take my time to do things well. This morning was not so bad, and we have a lot of work to do this afternoon.

............................................................

After only one lesson, we have some free time to work on our class projects for the festival. I already know what I'll do today, the same thing as the last year, in other words working on the stands. I'm not a handywoman, but everyone's help is appreciated.

While some boys begin to work on some boards outside, I take a black paint jar to write things on a white streamer. No fancy stuff, just the name of the products sold there, written in big characters to be seen from far away. I do my utmost to make a clean and nice streamer. This is the easiest thing to do, and in an hour or two, all our streamers are done. Some of these are beautiful, I have to say, but not the ones I did. Someone tells us that the boys outside need some help with the boards, and I offer my support, just like some students.

Nailing boards together is not a hard thing to do, but you need help to line these boards up, especially when they're heavy like these. Everybody plays his part in it, but it'll take time. Our class delegate waves her hands for supervising our work. I really don't like her, but I need to help her because she's one of my classmates. I want to do well, therefore I put my principles aside for now. My parents didn't raise me to feel hate and anger against someone. But sometimes, I can't get rid of it, in particular when someone sees me as a weakened woman.

As we work together, we advance a bit slower than I thought, but nevermind. We have a whole week to prepare our project, and it will be necessary because we don't have the same pace as the other classes. Thankfully, we can get back into the main building a few moments before it starts raining. Somehow, I didn't see it coming, maybe because I was absorbed into my work. It rains a lot, and I fulminate against the weather because I would have to run to reach the dorm.

However, just a few moments before I reach Lilly's classroom, her friend asks me if I could come with her. Sometimes, I can remember her name, but not today. Naturally, I say yes to her, and we take our time on our way. She looks down as if she was felt embarrassed by something. I know that I have to handle her with kid gloves, but I don't know what to say to cheer her up. I don't even know how Lilly manages to do things with her without frightening her.

When we reach Lilly's classroom, everyone is busy, and it seems to be a big mess. Notwithstanding, it appears that everything is in its place because I can't see anybody looking for a particular thing in the classroom. I guess blind people have their own sense of order.

The girl with dark purple hair runs towards Lilly when she sees her. I smile while they're hugging, it's pretty cute, I have to say. I watch my steps, I don't want to walk on their streamers after all.

"Hi, Lilly, glad to see you."

"Hi, Kaori," Lilly says. "What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. I'm here to help you a bit, as I promised you."

"That's really nice of you, thanks." She answers me, smiling.

She seems to be really happy to know that I'm here for her. I see her as a kind of friend, so for me, it's normal to do things for my friends. I ask her what I can do, and she asks me to give her some stuff. I roam in her classroom, looking for a big brush, a red paint jar, sheets of paper, and a pair of scissors. When I give her everything, she explains to me what I can do with the paper and the scissors. With a pencil, I write some prominent characters on the paper before cutting holes. Like that, I give Lilly a template to allow her to paint her streamer.

She can't make a mess because it's big enough to do a clean banner. I was afraid that she would take this really bad, it's silly, I know, because she told me to do so. Then, Hanako asks me to paint some things with her to help Lilly. Yeah, it seems that her name is Hanako, I don't even know why I forget it sometimes. With Lilly on her side, she's happy, and above all, she smiles. And I have to admit, her smile is as Saki's smile, a precious little thing.

With our help, her work gets somewhere a bit faster, and Lilly thanks us for that. It's not a big deal, but it seems that it means a lot to her. I'm pretty sure she would have done the same for us.

"Do you want me to do something else?" I ask. "I still have some free time."

"You know, you helped me a lot, you've done enough for today," Lilly answers, smiling with her eyes closed.

"We could... have some tea... if you want to..." Hanako adds, with a small voice, maybe because she realizes that I'm here.

"What a nice idea." I declare. "Drinking tea with nice girls is always a good thing."

Lilly snorts with amusement, and we leave her classroom a few moments after because she had to do some things for her classmates. I don't know why, but it seems that some students see her as a second mother. I find this cute, I have to admit.

On our way, Hanako is silent, looking at the floor, and walking next to Lilly. I guess it's unimaginable to think that she could survive a school year without Lilly. In fact, it's the same case for me, I couldn't survive a year without Saki.

When we reach our destination, I intend to make some tea. The girls tell me their favorite tastes, and I cope with the teapot. A vanilla scent tea for Lilly, and a standard black tea for Hanako. I'll take a blueberry tea to change a bit.

"Oh, Lilly, we'll have a new student this week." Hanako addresses to her friend. "I don't know exactly which day, but Mutou told us to be nice to him."

"A new student? Nice, I wasn't aware of that." I blurt. "Maybe I was daydreaming when he informed us."

"You don't have to be ashamed. Mutou is an excellent teacher, but sometimes, he is a bit soporific for some students." Lilly chuckles.

When our tea is finally ready, I join them around the table, waiting for my drink to cool off. I can hear the rain intensifying outside, and I'm glad to be there with them. When my tea is drinkable, I take a sip, enjoying a taste I didn't have for years.

" Have you seen your parents recently, Kaori?" Lilly asks with nosiness.

" Yeah, they surprised me to come when I didn't expect it. I had a good time with them and Saki, they like her a lot. What about you?" I ask in return.

Lilly takes a sip of tea and closes her eyes. " My parents live in Scotland, so it's hard for them to come to Japan. To be honest, I don't think that they would even want it to happen." she murmurs.

I look at my feet, once again, feeling ashamed. " I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ..."

" It doesn't matter, Kaori. Akira visits me sometimes, it's the only thing that matters. I have friends with me, a sister that loves me, I don't want anything else."

She smiles at me, showing that she's not mad at me at all. But I still feel a bit ashamed, thinking that it was a dumb question to ask. However, we chat while drinking our tea, which is a pleasant moment. I lose track of time with them, enjoying every moment in their company.

" So, your class project is about food, right? I will remember to buy you something at the festival." I say with a smile.

" As you wish, but it's nothing fancy, you know." Lilly chortles. " This year, I'll try to enjoy the festival a bit."

I don't answer, but I foresee to do things with her and Hanako, maybe Saki too that day. I don't say anything to keep it a surprise. She deserves to have a good time with others, given how hard she works for her classmates.

That being said, I have to know what I can do for her that day. There's still time, but the sooner it is done, the better. While taking another cup of tea, I have the impression of being a part of a tea club. That idea isn't disturbing at all, I don't have any club for now.

I think that I become very attached to Lilly, and a bit to Hanako too. And I have to say that I like this idea. However, I don't know where does that leaves me. It would be a pleasant surprise, I don't expect anything.


	15. Entrance

I wake up one hour and a half before the first lesson of the morning because I have to start swimming again. Fortunately, I didn't lose my habits too much, get a habit back is a pain in the ass. Outside, the sun has barely risen, everything is quiet while the vast majority of students is sleeping. After waking up, I take my swimming suit that I put under my school clothes, as usual. In my sports bag, I put my underwear to get changed later, and a towel. I'm ready, and I can leave my bedroom, putting my school stuff next to the door.

I wonder what I can eat for breakfast as I head towards the refectory. A soup would be nice because the weather is pretty cold today. A few eggs with vegetables would be perfect too. I can't swim with an empty stomach, and when I'm hungry like that, I can't cogitate without eating anything. I hurry up because I start shivering, and I don't want to come down with something.

Waiting in the line, I yawn because I'm still a bit tired, the night was too short. I have slept for only four hours, but I've done worse in the past. Usually, I don't have to wait for a long time, about less than ten minutes. When it's finally my turn, I take a miso soup, three eggs, and some greens with a cup of tea. In fact, when I try to change my habits, I'm still doing the same thing. I find an empty table, and I begin to eat quickly, as usual. I eat too fast, but I can't help myself. In ten minutes, my tray is empty, and I clear my table before I head for the pool.

Swimming will help me to digest my meal, half an hour would be enough, but I'll try to swim longer if I can. There are only two or three students in the water, it seems to be an all-girls party. That's not disturbing at all, even if a bit of diversity would have been great. I undress quickly, and I put my stuff in a corner.

On the diving board, I take a deep breath. The water surface looks like a mirror, and every time I see something like this, I always feel the need to dive. This is what I do, and underwater, everything is quiet, like a peaceful world. However, even if the water seems to be calm, danger lurks into darkness, especially in the ocean. In a swimming pool, the main threat is tiredness, you always have to be careful not pushing your limits. I did it because I was dumb, and I don't want to suffer the consequences.

Today, my warm-up will be longer than usual, a few more laps should be enough. I swim at a reasonable pace, I must not push myself too high. Maybe it's not a good idea, but I try to swim underwater as much as I can, in order to improve my stamina. After fifteen minutes of a proper warm-up, my real training begins. I swim a lot slower than usual because I need to retrieve my old habits. If I swim for half an hour today, it would be nice, I'm not asking for anything else.

Swimming doesn't tire me too much, but I have to be careful. I wonder which other sport I could do without training for a long time to get a reasonable level.

Each time I'm about to touch the pool's wall, I turn over underwater. When I was young, I wasn't able to do such a thing, but now, I do it every time. For the last lengths of the day, I swim a bit faster, but not too much.

That was a good training today, even if I could swim a bit longer. After getting out of the pool, the first thing I do is to sway my head back and forth. It allows me to get rid of the water on my hair before getting dry. In the lockers room, I get dressed, and I go back to my room to take my school stuff. Just before entering the classroom, I see our teacher head for the stairs quickly. I look at this whole scene with curious eyes, and I wonder what happens. Maybe my classmates could give me the answer I need to understand.

" What's wrong with the teacher?" I ask my neighbor. " He seemed to be in a hurry."

" He forgot that the new student comes today, and he has to greet him because he's our homeroom teacher." She answers me while doodling on a sheet of paper.

I gasp, everything makes sense now, and I totally forgot it was today too. A lot of questions pop in my head, and right now, I can't answer any of these, which is annoying. The only thing I know is that this student is a boy, that's all. Not very useful information, but this is the only thing I have in mind about him.

Some excitation takes hold in the entire classroom, with a lot of questioning. Nevertheless, we have to be patient, all the answers will come in a few minutes. A few minutes later, the teacher comes back into the classroom with the new student. At first sight, his disability isn't perceptible, such as a lot of students in this academy. After a little presentation from the teacher, everyone applauds, just like me. Then, the new boy begins to speak about himself.

" Well, hello everyone, I'm Hisao Nakai." He shivers while speaking in front of us. " I'm fond of reading and playing soccer, and I hope I will get along well with everyone here." Then, he turns silent.

Everyone applauds once again, and to allow him to include the class group, we'll have to work in groups. While everyone is moving, I get up, and I go towards the back of the classroom.

" Hi, Hanako, would you like to work with my neighbor and me? We would be happy to work with you, you know." I smile while asking her to work with us.

It takes her a while to answer because she seems to be too shy to do such a thing. However, with some patience, I manage to have an answer from her.

" Y... yes, why not? Thank you... Ka... Kaori" At least, she remembers my name, which is significant.

She didn't look me in the eyes, but this is not a problem, I can understand the fact that she's shy because of her disability. When everyone is ready, the teacher gives us the work to do. At first glance, this is not too hard, but it will take a bit of time to be done correctly.

The first questions are pretty easy, and in five minutes, we can answer five questions. The following items are way harder, and I need to turn things over in my head more. Also, I need to help my neighbors when they don't understand some words or concepts. I'm a wordsmith, not a scientist, but I can help them by explaining these words in my own way. At least, I try to do it simply, using comparisons. Hanako writes on another sheep of paper the meaning of the words she doesn't understand and that I try to explain to her correctly.

During the rest of the lesson, we answer the questions as much as we can, even if this work won't be graded. The other teachings of the morning won't be as fun as this one, unfortunately.

.................................

Waiting in the queue of the refectory, I wonder what I can for lunch. Notwithstanding, I can't cogitate anymore because of someone who poked my ribs. I jump with surprise, trying to find whose responsible. In front of me, there's a girl with red earrings, and it makes me smile.

" Saki, don't act like that, sweetheart. Do you really want to kill me with surprise?" I laugh, as I calm down my heart.

" At least, I have all your attention now, and I won't let you eat alone. I want to know everything about the new student." She answers with a candid smile.

" How do you know..." I'm surprised, it seems that news travels fast. "... Anyway, I don't have anything for you apart from his name and what he likes." I add, shrugging my shoulders.

Taking our meal, we search for an empty table to eat together. As we start to eat, Saki wants to know some things about him, which is logical, given that she's curious.

" Well, I told you that I don't know anything about him except his name, which is Hisao Nakai, and the fact he likes reading and playing soccer. That's all I have for you today, I can't satisfy your curiosity passion." I burst into laughter while she gives me a nudge.

" You should be curious too, Kaori, it's good for you. At least, it won't kill us, as far as I know." Saki laughs too, trying to eat a bit.

As usual, during the meal, we talk about insignificant stuff while eating. I have to say the food here is far way better than in my previous school. However, my mother's cooking is unbeatable, and sometimes, I really miss it. When I'm eating with Saki, I try to eat slower than usual, because it worries her. Instead of eating in ten minutes, it takes me twenty minutes to finish my dishes.

Spending time with Saki before returning in classes is a thing I'll cherish as long as I can. Outside, we walk around, talking about her class projects for the festival.

When we walk together, I always hold her hand in mine. I acted like that since she's my best friend, and I won't change my habits. It may be weird for some people, but it can help her when she feels a bit weak. That being said, I don't have to justify my behavior, especially when it's cute and helps my best friend.

The weather is beautiful, and a bit warm, which is enjoyable. Summer will be hot this year, I won't lie. Now that I'm with Saki, I don't want to work this afternoon, but nobody asks for my opinion. This said I know she thinks the same thing, in fact, we think about the same things sometimes. It's sad, but we have to split and go back to our respective classrooms. At least we can work on our class projects this afternoon.

...............................

After our lesson, it's time to work a bit. We have made some progress, but there's still a bit of work to do. With some girls, I work to paint new streamers, much more colorful than the previous ones. We have to make the guests want to buy food or little objects.

For me, the festival is the best time of the year at school, with holidays, of course. And this year, I could spend my time with some nice girls, I have nothing to complain about. On my streamer, I paint some sakura flowers, for a stand that sold products made with cherries. These flowers are one of the few things I can draw with a blindfold. My classmates remember this fact, and each year, when we have to sell cherry products, I paint the flowers. I really put my heart into this work, and without being conceited, I love the result.

In my previous school, we also had a festival, but the students were less involved than in this school. It seems that this festival is well-known in this region, so we have to do a lot of work every year, but the result's worth it. It takes two hours to do today's work, and we made a lot of progress. Maybe, this year, we'll be in advance, especially if we go on like this. I can't wait to spend my time with Lilly, Saki, and Hanako for the festival.

I already know that Saki won't take the same university curriculum as me, and we have to enjoy our last year together. Of course, I'll be visiting her as much as I can, but we'll see each other less. I prepare myself mentally for that, even if it's pretty hard.

Now, we have some free time, and for me, it's time to read. Sometimes, I feel like I'm a bookworm, but it's not disturbing at all. I prefer to read rather than watching TV or something like that. I can't live without a book in my bedroom, and I don't want to live without any book in my entire life.


	16. Musical stroll

After a dull day, working for our class project for the festival is a release. There're three days before the festival, and there's still some work to do to be ready. I help the boys nailing the last boards together outside, and then, we can start painting our stands with various colors. I must point out that Hanako helps me without any request, which is really appreciable. There's still a lot of work for me to win over her shyness, but she makes a lot of progress, I have to say. Maybe Lilly had something to do with it.

There's a lot of agitation outside. Every class works on their stands, even the first-years, which is a glorious mess. Some students talk about their projects for the festival's day or what they'll do when their parents will come to school. Speaking of parents, I still hope that my own parents would come this day, but I'm not sure of anything right now. Maybe they won't tell me anything to keep the surprise until the end. They had already done it, and I'm betting that Saki was behind this.

I try to work as fast as I can because I want to go to the city with Saki late in the day. I have enough pocket money to buy a fine acoustic guitar, and I think she would like to come with me. When the first stand is fully painted, we tackle the second one. Each stand has its own colors, according to what it sells. Food stands are painted in red or white, depending on the kind of food. Stands that sell cherry products are painted in pink, and so on and so forth.

When today's job is done, I slip away, looking for Saki. Luckily, one of her classmates notices that I am potentially looking for her, and he tells me where I can find her. She seems that she's still in her classroom, helping her classmates. I would expect nothing less from her, she's always kind and helpful with the other students.

I can't even enter her classroom, she instantly runs towards me when she sees me. Sometimes, we act like children towards each other, but it's another reason that explains why we're friends. I tell Saki what I want to do, and then we head for the dorm because I have to take my wallet.

Also, it's the perfect moment to give her some clothes that I don't wear anymore. It may be a bit big for her, but I know she likes to put my clothes on sometimes. I give her two black tee-shirts, one white tee-shirt, and a pajama. I really hate to throw out my old clothes, so I try as much as I can to give them to charity or to Saki if it sizes her well.

She runs towards her bedroom to put her new clothes on her wardrobe, and we leave the dorm. On our way to the city, she finally tells me some good news.

" Remember the boy I told you about? I said it didn't go anywhere, but things have changed. He came back to me, and I think I'll give him a shot." She cheers, and that's exactly what I wanted to hear from her in this regard.

" Finally, it's about fucking time, but he finally understood. Well, I hope that it's going to be ok."

" What about you, did you managed to say anything to Lilly?" She nudges me while laughing. And I have to say, I'm bursting out laughing too.

" I really like her, it's true, but I don't know how if it's love or anything else." She smiles while I'm trying to explain what my feelings are. " However, I would never say no to her, to be honest." I had, smiling a bit too.

" So, you like her more than what you try to say, it's fine, you know." She chuckles gently.

"Maybe, I can't even explain, the only time I felt something more than a plain and simple friendship, you became my best friend, remember."

As an answer, she takes my hand in hers, and she softly cuddles up against me. I'm pleased to be her best friend, and I try to enjoy each moment I spend with her, as much as I can.

On the road, she also talks about what she'll do for the upcoming holidays. She'll return to the fold, such as me, even for a week. Maybe we could spend our Christmas holiday together with my parents if her parents agree with it. Then, after a little trip, we reach the music store, and the first thing I do there is looking for the guitar I wanted to buy a while ago. Fortunately for me, it's still here, and its price is still the same. Without asking myself any questions, I buy this guitar with a bag and a little tuner, and we go back to school.

On our way, we meet a few students who are heading for the school too. A pretty common thing there that you can see every day.

......................................

After dinner, we go towards my bedroom, she seems to be keen to hear me playing. The first thing Saki does when she comes into my bedroom is jumping on my bed to lie down. I hate playing guitar on a chair, so I sit down on the floor.

However, I can't start tuning my guitar yet, because I need setting up the strings a bit. Each time I change my electric guitar's strings, I pull them horizontally to untighten them. This way, the strings are way less elastic, and the tuning holds longer. This is precisely what I do on this guitar before tuning it.

It takes me almost 5 minutes to tune my strings because I'm a bit maniac on this matter, I have to say. When it's done, I play an easy piece, just to check that everything is perfect. But the pièce de résistance comes shortly after when I'm playing and singing one of my own compositions.

This is a song that talks about a geisha who falls in love with a soldier during the war. Unfortunately for her, he dies during a battle on an island in the Pacific Ocean, and she suffers from depression before killing herself to join him in death. It seems that Saki likes it, given that she moves her head in rhythm. Also, when she looks at my fingers like that, it means that she's fascinated, which means a lot to me.

Initially, this song is a Black Metal song, only made to be played on an electric guitar. But I also did an acoustic version with clean singing, to be able to play it whenever I want without any amp. That being said, it's not the only song I want to play for her. Suddenly, it starts to rain outside, which is the perfect time for me to play a folk song about rain. I began to learn to play guitar with folk songs, especially kids' songs. Saki laughs as I'm singing with a weird voice, which is a habit for me when I'm playing kids' songs.

I really like the sound of this guitar, it's bright and clear, for a crazy low price. I play two other songs for her, one song about Japanese mythology and one song about a strong friendship, just like ours.

When I'm lying down on my bed, I'm cuddling up to her without a word. She's gently stroking my hair, which is one of the things I find the most relaxing. When it's raining outside, I'm glad to stay inside, especially under the covers.

" I hope you have nothing planned for the festival, I want to spend my day with you, and with Lilly and Hanako too." I yawn. " At least a part of the day, I don't want to impose my will on you," I add, yawning a bit more.

" I don't feel forced, you know, it'll be my pleasure. I'm just asking you to wait until the beginning of the afternoon, my classmates need my help." Saki answers as she begins to massage my hair.

" You'll see, one day, they'll start calling you mom." I joke while laughing.

" This will be the next logical step, you see me as a kind of sister, do you?" She expresses with a cute tone.

"That's right, but this is because you're more than a friend to me, and you know that." I approve, laughing a bit more. " However, I want to be informed about every little step with him."

" And I want to be informed too about everything you did with Lilly. And don't try to tell me that you don't understand which relation you have with her. " She pats my head as she's making fun of me a little bit, but not in a hard way.

Outside, the rain intensifies, as night fell quickly. I don't want her to leave my bedroom, this is really childish, but I like being with her. But all good things must come to an end, and before she leaves my bedroom, I hug frankly, kissing her on the forehead.

Before reading, it's time to take a shower and brushing my teeth. The bathroom is empty now, which is a bit unusual because usually, a lot of students are taking their shower at this hour. I throw myself in an empty shower, and when the hot water pours on my skin, I breathe a sigh of relief. I catch myself dozing a bit, a fact that some cold water wipes away. I didn't sleep well last night, and I think I won't read tonight. I brush y teeth and get back into my room. Putting my pajama, I throw myself under my covers.

I'm tired, so I'll prepare my school stuff tomorrow morning. The rain won't help me to sleep better, but I think that tiredness will end me. Surprisingly, I fall asleep quickly, even if the noise of the rain is loud. Luckily, it's not stormy outside, so I have nothing to fear.

The festival is fast approaching, and I can't wait for that day, as every year. But this year, I will finally spend my day in a girls' group, which is way better, even if I love to spend my time with Saki on our side.


	17. Shopping trip

The only exciting lesson of the day was Japanese history, as usual. We talked about the situation of Japan a few years after the war, in an objective manner. History must be seen with a neutral vision, even if it's difficult to talk about these things without taking side. The history of my country is one of the reasons why I want to become a history teacher. I like sharing my knowledge, especially with kids and my friends, so becoming a teacher is natural for me. But there're lots of obstacles to overcome before teaching things to kids.

Our class project for the festival is officially over, and now, we have some free time, which is perfect for me to do some shopping. I need to buy some food and snacks for weekends and evenings. Even if I eat well, sometimes, two or three hours after the last meal, I'm hungry.

It'll be a pleasant little stroll too, especially if Saki wants to join me. There's no reason that she tells me no, she's always ready to go somewhere with me. It rained yesterday, but today, it's sunny and hot.

I already know what I want to buy, some cherry and chocolate cakes, and some lemon candies. Maybe some other things, but nothing is decided for now. Luckily, the convenience store next to the academy sells a lot of cheap products.

Back to the dorm, I take my backpack and my wallet, and forecast to head for Saki's bedroom. However, when I knock on her door, nothing happens. It sounds weird because, at this hour, she should be in her room, or at least outside, but I haven't seen her today. So, my first mission for today is to find my best friend in the academy.

Outside the dorm, I ask a student if he sew Saki, but he answers negatively. His mate tells me that she has been looking for me for 15 minutes. Sometimes, I need to think like Saki does, in this way I should be able to find her in cases like that. It seems that she's in the main building, looking for me. It tooks me about 5 minutes to find her, on the ground floor, but thankfully, I found her in the hall, when I was about to get back outside. Seriously, we really have to establish a strategy to see each other sometimes.

" Finally, you're here, I've been looking for you for 20 minutes, you know." Saki chortles, sticking out her tongue.

" Such as me, we really have to establish a strategy, sweetheart. Looking for each other like that is a waste of time." I answer in a serious yet kind tone.

" So, what can we do about that? I mean, I can send you some messages, but I never think about it." Saki admits, looking at her feet a bit.

" Me neither, but that's logical because we spend all our time at school. Now, you're here, how about shopping with me?" I show my wallet. " I need to buy some food," I add, smiling at her.

In this way, we head for the convenience store next to the academy. I take her hand in mine to help her because she has trouble in the climbs or in downhills sometimes. I have to say, my heart hates climbs too, which is understandable, and I have to be careful about that.

" I think my parents won't come this year, mom didn't call me to announce their visit." I sigh, a bit sad.

" This time, I had nothing to do with it, I assure you." Saki is concerned about my sadness and tries with her actions to soothe me.

" I know, sweetie, but you know what it is, I miss them a lot. Luckily, you're there for me, and I won't thank you enough for being such a friend."

Saki is everything for me, apart from my parents, and I try everything I can to thank her every day for being there for me. I try to be a beacon for her when she's not fine, a shoulder to cry on when she needs to. One day, we'll be separated, however, we don't think about it. On our way to the store, we find Lilly, at least it must be her. Tall blond girls are not ordinary people there, so I can't get wrong. I don't want to come as some sort of surprise, so I call her, which makes her smile when she hears my voice.

" Oh, hello Kaori, I'm glad to see you." Lilly beams. " Are you heading towards the convenience store too?" She adds, with a radiant smile.

" Yes, I need to buy some food, and I thought that Saki would be happy to come with me."

As soon as I mentioned Saki, Lilly greets her too. On our way, we talk about insignificant stuffes, such as some of our lessons or the school's food. They confess to me that some lessons are pretty boring, like me with maths. Nevertheless, Saki strikes when I'm not expecting it, with her mischievous look.

" You know, I'm happy to see that Kaori has a new friend." Saki cheers. " I was afraid I was the only one who meets new people between us."

I blush while I try to say something, but not a single word comes from my mouth. I know that Saki tries to tell that I'm a good friend for her, but she's as clumsy as me, to be honest. But it seems to work, as Lilly laughs a bit with a cute tone.

" I'm sure she'll become a good friend for me, as she is for you. Maybe she'll become something else one day." Lilly giggles and Saki strikes again.

" That'll be the first time for her, you know. I'm sure she can become a good girlfriend. " Saki gives me a nudge while laughing.

" Oh, Saki, please..." I laugh a bit too, but I'm still blushing.

" Really? That's cute, I thought you had some chances before, you had nobody in your life before?" Lilly asks me with a cute concerned tone.

" Never... But it was a choice." I desperately try to justify myself, but it sounds like a lie, and it was obviously a lie.

I never had the chance to get someone in my life, Saki is like a sister for me, but I never felt love for her, such as her. I know that Lilly and Saki were joking, but... I don't know, it was cute, not mean. Lilly was really kind to me since I met her, but I don't know, it seems that she tries to be something more than a kind girl with me. Maybe my brain is playing tricks on me, perhaps I'm right, I don't know what to think right now. I should admit that Saki doesn't help me at all while joking like that.

" You also have the choice to fall in love with someone you're close to." Lilly smiles, and Saki approves what she said.

" Maybe one day, I'll think about this option, it could be great, I have to say." I hum, looking at my feet.

Now, I'm disturbed, I don't know what to think anymore. What Lilly said has obviously a double meaning, but I'm not sure what it really means. She's a good friend to me, it seems that she likes me a lot... But I don't know why, I'm pretty sure that she's thinking about something else.

At the convenience store, Saki does her shopping alone, and Lilly gently grabs my arm to stay with me. It must be because she needs help, but she didn't ask me anything. Everything she does today troubles me, and because of that, I ask myself a lot of questions. Why does she act like that? Does she want to tell me something in another way? How does she see me? I don't have any answers to my own questions. Maybe time will answer my questions, but for now, I'm stuck in my own questioning.

On the shelves, she asks if I can pick some items for her, like tea or some cookies. She's not looking for fancy stuff, just like me, so I do my shopping while helping her.

When I take cookies, I give her some other cookies, asking myself how she cans like a taste like that. But she could think the same thing about me, so I have nothing to say, everyone has its own taste after all. My mother loves sakura's flower taste cookies, and she hates dark chocolate with cherries when I love it.

Then, Lilly asks me if we can go to the vegetable section. Suddenly, a question pops out in my mind, and I want my answer.

" There's a lot of fresh products in your basket, do you cook everything at school?" I ask, a bit curious.

" Hum, yes. The academy's food is not my taste to make it simple. So I try cooking everything myself as much as I can." She hums, smiling at me. " Also, I cook a bit for Hanako, too, because she doesn't really like the refectory," Lilly adds, and it makes sense, given that Hanako seems pretty shy when she's alone.

" I should cook for myself too, but I'm only able to cook some ramen and an egg, I wouldn't get very far with that." I grin, laughing about my own clumsiness. It makes her laugh too, so that's a good thing.

" Maybe I'll teach you how to cook some meals too in the future. I'm not that good, but I'm doing it quite well if I may add." She pauses a bit before continuing to speak. " You owe me something in return, nothing is free, you know." She has a mischievous look that I found beautiful, I have to say.

" Whatever you want, I need to learn how to cook, so I'll figure something out to pay off my debts." She gently holds my arm as she smiles more.

" I have a great imagination, you know, be careful, I could take you up on that." Lilly chirps as we end our shopping and head towards the checkout.

" I'm fine with that, Saki acted like that with me before, and now we're best friends. So I'm not afraid about what you could ask me."

When I'm waiting for Lilly, I see that some people look at her with a weird look, as if she was an alien or something like that. Students like us are a common thing here, but not for everyone, apparently. Keep calm Kaori, they don't deserve that you get angry because of them. Saki notices it and takes my hand to calm me down, which works like a charm. I can always count on her, and that's a reason why I will never let her down. Luckily, we leave this place quickly, so I don't need to get mad at them.

On the way back to the academy, Lilly talks about the student council because it seems that the president is mad at her for some reason. She's quite vague about that, obviously because she doesn't want to expose the real reasons behind that. When I'm offering my help to her, Lilly gently rejects it, saying that she wants to fix this alone.

Students' stuff is not that easy to understand sometimes, and it's better not asking some questions. She has her personal problem, and, naturally, she wants to fix her problems alone, I usually act the same way after all.

But, somehow, I want to help her, because she acts with me precisely like Saki did in the past before she became my best friend. However, I can't impose things to her, even with the best of intentions. Maybe, in the future, she will be a close friend, and hopefully, she will open up, but I'm not a mind reader.

The only thing I understood today was that she acted differently with me than before. I don't even know why, maybe I should ask some questions. Nevertheless, I find that it's just wrong, my mind yells at me that asking these questions is bad. Perhaps I just have to wait to see how it'll go in the future.


	18. Fireflies

This is not just another Sunday morning, but the festival as well. I'm super excited about this day, but it could have been better because my parents won't come today. Mom called me yesterday, and she was so sorry for not being able to come with Dad because they're sick. They should stay at home, I don't want them to get even sicker.

It's only nine o'clock, but there's a lot of agitation outside. The festival is well-known here, and there's always a lot of local people coming for the festivities and for the stuff sold there on this very day. I eat some cookies to wake me up, but it won't be nourishing at all. I should take a meal at a stall, however, I can't make up my mind on what I would choose right now.

I take my wallet, and I leave my bedroom, but right after I close my door, someone bumps into me. In front of me, there's a girl with red earrings smiling at me, as if nothing happened. I puff my cheeks disapprovingly, which makes her laugh a lot.

" Saki, dear, could you let me know when you want to bump into me, please?" I let out before laughing a bit as well.

" I'm sorry sweetie, I've been dying to see you. And now that I'm free, we can spend all our time together." Saki beams at me.

" It's only half-past nine, you have already finished your work?" I marvel with a whistle of admiration.

" Seeing my best friend is one of the things which helps me to do a lot of work as fast as I can." She adds, proud of herself.

" Dear, what did I already tell you about working too fast?" This time, I switch to my protective role, even if what she did for me was cute.

" But... You never told me not to do this kind of thing for you." She looks at me with her puppy eyes, which is really cute, and I kiss her on the forehead, as a confirmation that I'm not mad at her.

I take her hand, and we leave the dorm, trying to make our way through the crowd consisting of students, their parents, and local people. We take our time because the crowd is really dense, and I don't want to lose Saki. Some animations draw our attention, and I have to say, they manage to occupy us for almost an hour. The first-years did a little musical show, which was really cute, and well made. The PSA system turns on, and the principal makes an announcement, but I'm not even listening.

Before lunchtime, we go around the school to see every little animation or stall, to kill some time. Also, Saki wants to show me one of her class’ stands, that sells some food. I should admit that this stall interests me, especially for its ramen soups.

It's not lunchtime yet, but I'm still hungry, and now, I have my eyes on the food. I take a ramen soup for me and a bowl of miso soup for Saki. The food is pretty cheap, but I know they put their heart making these meals. She says she will get my money back, but I don't do anything like that to get some money back.

We find a bench, and Saki sits down quickly as I sit down on the top of it, as usual. I invariably sit down on the top with my feet on the seat, it may feel weird, but I've always done that. My soup is a little cold, but it's good enough to ignore that fact. As we drink, we stay quiet, looking at this dense crowd moving in every way. I look upon Saki, who seems to enjoy almost anything, even a bowl of soup. When our bowls are empty, we go back to her class’ stall, to bring them back.

Now, I know what I'll do, I will enjoy spending my time with Saki, but someone is missing. Even if Lilly wants to help her classmates, she deserves to enjoy the festival too. I ask Saki if she knows where her stand is, but she doesn't know. Luckily, a student points us in the right direction. With these instructions, we find her stall with ease, and I call her to draw her attention. She seems to be really happy to hear my voice, but I won't walk past the queue, I just have to wait patiently.

She's very busy, and I'm sure it'll be a relief for her to do something else than working. It is a bit selfish, but I want to spend time with her, of course, but also allow her to have a good time instead of working for other people. It's finally my turn, and she quickly drops her waitress facade as soon as I start talking with her.

" I admire you, you know. To be honest, I achieve to mix things up in my own bedroom." I laugh, just like Lilly.

" Some things were mixed up among the line, and we try to fix it right now. Saki is with you if I'm not mistaken, isn't it?" She smiles as soon as I answer positively. " Have you seen Hanako today? I'm a bit worried, usually, she stays with me during the festival."

" Not today, but we can try to find her together if you want. It will allow you to take a break, you deserved it."

She's doubtful, I can see it on her face, which I understand because it seems that she doesn't want to leave her classmates alone. She puts her heart into this work, but thankfully, a student comes to my rescue.

" You worked enough to allow us to deal with the flow of people, and you've earned yourself a break." His tone is calm but a bit serious.

She puffs her cheeks, trying to resist, but she already knows that it's useless, and she gives up after only a minute of negotiations. She finally leaves her stall, taking her cane on the way. She also asks me if I looked for her at the library. My palm meets my face, how comes I didn’t think about looking for her there?

It doesn't take us so much time to reach the library, because the crowd becomes less dense as we approach the main building. I could have ignored Hanako, but she's Lilly's best friend, and if I want Lilly to enjoy the festival as much as I wish, Hanako must be with us. Even if she's the shyest girl I've ever seen in my life, I must admit I like her, even though I don't know how to behave with her sometimes.

As she hears Lilly's voice, she indicates her friend where she is. She was in the corner of the library, reading a book quietly, although the library is empty. Saki points out that this kind of behavior is common with her, which isn't surprising for a shy girl. When she sees me, she blushes a bit, but she remembers that Lilly is here, and it soothes her.

" Lilly... Aren't you supposed to help your classmates at your stall...?" Hanako asks, with a bit of surprise.

" Kaori told me to take a break, and we thought that, maybe, you can spend your time with us." Lilly chuckles.

" Also, we might watch the fireworks together," Saki adds, which is a great idea.

Our little group visits each stall, and the variety of products sold here is astonishing. This ranges from food to little handcrafted products, and everything finds a buyer.

A stall sells cookies, and I buy cookies for everyone, without worrying about how much it cost. I'm not a rich student, but I don't calculate everything when I'm with my friends. I just want to please them, with no ulterior motive. The afternoon takes its course, and Saki finds a game stall, where a few first-years are playing. She looks at me with a playful smile, as if she was able to read my mind. And she's right, I really want to play these games, just like she does.

" Well, there's still time before the fireworks begin, so we could play some games together." I grin, as Lilly laughs when she hears me.

" Playing games with Hanako, are you sure about that? She'll do whatever she can to win, you know?" Lilly jokes as Hanako starts to blush again.

" It will add some challenge, I like that."

Hanako proposes us to start with a game of Daruma Otoshi, which is a game consisting of hitting a ring with a mallet. We have to hit each ring with the hammer, from the bottom to the top, without touching the others. The game is over when the head of the figure is the only remaining piece. This is an entertaining skill game I used to play with my father when I was a child.

We have to hit each ring in turns, and I begin to play, hitting the first ring carefully. Saki and Hanako hit their ring with ease, but when it's my turn again, everything falls down. Hanako laughs cutely, and she starts another game with Saki. Of course, I'm supporting my best friend while Lilly supports hers, but Saki makes the same error I did a few minutes before.

Then, Hanako tells Lilly that some paper sheets are reserved for origami, which makes her smile. I'm always fascinated by people who can do beautiful things with only a sheet of paper. She folds the paper with a dexterity I've never seen before, and this sheet of paper slowly becomes a flower. We stay quiet as she finishes her origami, folding a few more little flowers. Lilly gives a flower to each of us, as a kind of a little gift. I keep mine in my hand because it's useless to go back to the dorm just to put it on my desk.

The afternoon goes on peacefully, and when night falls, we are hungry, and we head for a food stall. We all take a bowl of soup, and we sit down on the grass to eat our dinner. As usual, I'm done eating before everyone else, and I lay down as Saki strokes my hair gently. Hanako is kind enough to bring our bowls back, and for an entire hour, we talk about our festival projects for the coming months. Saki and I planned to enjoy Tanabata together, but it would be better to enjoy it as a group.

The first whistle of the fireworks surprises me, as everything was quiet a few seconds before. Saki is lying next to me in the grass, putting her head on my chest, as I stroke her hair. Everyone is enthusiastic around us, as the sky is colored with shades of green, gold, or even red. Our festival's fireworks are well-known in the region, and it seems it gets even better every year.

Lilly, with her eyes shut, listens religiously as Hanako is amazed by all the colors and different shapes. I never had seen Hanako as happy as she is right now, even when we helped Lilly together. This year's fireworks are much longer than the previous one, but the grand final comes too quickly for my liking.

A great variety of colors and shapes lights up the sky in an infernal racket, but that seems worthwhile. Everyone in the crowd is in awe, such as me, because this year's festival was an unqualified success. Saki sighs, as this day is finally ending.

" That was our last festival together, unfortunately." She's sad because we all know that our university studies will prevent us from spending a lot of time together.

" The year isn't over, sweetie, there are a few festivals to enjoy together until we go to the university." I beam, fondling her cheek.

" Especially Tanabata," Lilly adds, " I really like to go there with Hanako and my sister, you should come with us." she offers, with a smile.

Saki gets back on her feet first, and I do the same, cracking my bones in the process. I wince in pain, I hate when my backbone cracks like that without no apparent reason. However, her offer was so kind, how could I refuse?

" It would be my pleasure Lilly, I'm sure Saki is happy too." Saki sticks her tongue out at me, agreeing to what I said a few seconds before. " Still, if my parents were there today, it would have been better." I'm a bit sad, I can't hide that fact.

" Sometimes, it's hard to look on the bright side of things, but I'm sure you'll see them soon," Lilly says with a motherly but kind tone, smiling at me with her eyes shut.

" As long as I am with my friends, who are a part of my family, I'm fine." I can't lie when I say something like that, and Lilly, when she hears my words, remains silent, keeping her beaming smile.


	19. Teatime

One week after the festival, the academy goes back to its usual quietude. After waking up, I take my pills, and I head for the refectory to eat my breakfast. Every morning, my mind goes into an automatic mode, I do the same things day after day. Taking my pills, eating breakfast, and swimming before going to class. 

After an hour and a half of mindless stuff, I’m ready for class, and as usual, I’m early. The classroom fills up slowly, but I already know that this day will bores me as hell. Even if I’m an early riser, I yawn, because sometimes, I wish I could sleep more each morning. 

When the first lesson of the day starts, we have to work in groups. I turn over to see if Hanako is alone or not, but her neighbors ask her to work with them. For me, it’s a first, but it’s better than nothing, at least she’s not alone. As usual, I will work with my neighbor, she’s a nice girl, even if I almost know nothing about her. 

As the teacher gives us some sheets of paper, I notice that it does not thrill the new student to work with the class delegate, given the hopeless look I can see on his face. At least, it must be the new student, he’s the only boy I have seen with this pink-haired girl since the beginning of the year. 

However, when I give our work some attention, the first questions are easy for me. My neighbor asks me some help, and I explain her things with my own words, trying to be concise but understandable. 

Even if I don’t like this matter, being able to help someone is something I cherish, and this is one of the multiple reasons that explains why I want to be a teacher. However, there’re some words I can’t describe to her, but she can’t hold it against me. Some questions are hard to answer, and I’m not able to answer some of these, even if I try my hardest. 

Thankfully, the teacher won’t give us grades for this work, and within an hour, we could answer 6 questions out of ten. I know that I have shortcomings with science, even if I understand some things. Then, our homeroom teacher leaves, and morning take its course. 

The other lessons of the morning are dull because it only comprises taking notes. Sometimes, our teacher can’t entertain us every time, because they have to prepare us for our exams. Every night, I read all my notes to memorize them as much as I can, but I already know that some exams will be a real mess for me. But now, it’s time to follow the crowd, and I head for the refectory because I’m starving. 

............................................

When I reach the refectory building, I hear Saki’s voice behind me, who tells me to wait for her. I’m happy to hear her voice, I didn’t want to eat alone today. We quickly take our place in the queue, and she tells me some news about the boy she was telling me about before. 

“Yesterday, when you went to the library, he asked me on a date.” Saki beams.

“And you said yes, aren’t you? Another answer would not be acceptable.” I laugh, taunting her a bit. 

“Of course, I said yes, but now, we have to foresee when we can hang out together.” She exults, I’m thrilled to hear such good news. 

“Finally, it took you some time, but I’m thrilled, and I hope you’ll get along fine.” She hugs me frankly, to thank me as usual. 

The queue moves forward as she taunts me back. 

“You know, I can be in a relationship before you, you’d better hurry.” She says, sticking her tongue out at me.

“We’re not on a race Saki, I think I know what you mean, and if you’re talking about Lilly, which is what I believe, I try to build a relationship with her. I’m taking my time because I don’t want to rush things.”

She knows what I’m talking about, I’m afraid to rush things, and that’s why I never had a real relationship before. But I can’t see the future, and I have to take everything one step at a time. 

“However, I’d expect you to let me know if you do something with him. But I’m happy for you, and I hope you’ll be happy with him.” I smile, and finally, it’s our turn. 

I take some rice and beef, as Saki takes rice and fish, and we sit down. Today, I’ll attempt to eat slower than usual, because she worries a lot about that. Talking with her helps me to eat slower, even if it’s insignificant stuff, such as our lessons, or even the weather. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, but two days ago, my mother called me, and I asked her if you could come before the end of the year. And of course, she agreed, so we need to foresee a date.” I say with a smile.

“Great, I just have to ask my parents if I can too, and everything will be fine, I think. You’ll thank your mother for me, sweetie, she’s very kind.” She chirpses as we finish our dishes slowly. 

Before going back to class, we stroll around, hand in hand. For anyone outside our inner circle, acting like that would say that she’s my girlfriend, but we do things like that since we are best friends. And like that, I’m ready to help her. Also, I don’t give a fuck about what people may think about us. But all good things must come to an end, and this is time for us to go back to class. 

...................................................

The afternoon’s lessons reflect the morning’s teachings, which were boring. We take notes with no kind of interaction, but sometimes, it’s necessary. As usual, when I’m bored, I doodle some things on my sheets of paper because it helps me to stay focus. 

The last lessons of the day seem to last an eternity for me, especially the last one, but it’s only a hard time. I want to pass my exams at any cost, so I grit my teeth, and I try to stay focus, as hard as I can. When the bell rings, I breathe a sigh of relief, but before I leave the classroom, my neighbor asks me if I can help her with Japanese literature later. 

I can’t refuse, she asked my help with one of the kindest tones I’ve ever heard. It would be my pleasure to help her, and I tell her to ask me whatever she wants, whenever she wants. Then, she leaves the classroom smiling, and now, I can head for our tea room. 

When I reach the room, I find it empty, but that’s fine, I’m patient, and I’m sure Lilly and Hanako will arrive soon. I take a seat, and I wait for them, playing a puzzle game on my phone. I’m not used to playing on my phone, but sometimes, it helps to kill some time. However, five minutes later, they’re finally there. 

“Oh... Hi... Kaori,” Hanako whispers, staying next to Lilly as she enters the room. 

Lilly greets me too, as she takes a seat. This time, I propose to make tea for them, and we begin to talk, as the water warms up. 

“How was your day, Kaori?” Lilly asks with a concerned tone.

“It was dull, I have to say, taking notes and stuff like that. You know, I like interactive lessons, but, sometimes, lectures are necessary, even if I’m not fond of such a thing. What about you?” I ask, taking three different tea bags in advance. 

“When I’m not in classes, I help my classmates as a class delegate. It takes a lot of time every week, but I’m proud to help them as much as I can, trying to make things easier for them.” She beams, as Hanako nods to show her agreement. 

For me, it’s kind of obvious that she’s a class delegate because of her kind and motherly behavior. At least, this is how I see a class delegate, but unfortunately, mine is not like that. Water boils slowly, and I hear, behind me, the noise of a wooden thing put on the table. I guess that Hanako and Lilly want to play chess, at least this is what I expect from them. 

“When I was younger, all my class delegates were stubborn people, and they did nothing for us. So, it’s nice to see some people who are concerned about helping others. I love to help people, but I think I won’t be able to help an entire class. I have to say, I admire this kind of behavior.” She blushes and smiles when she hears my words, thanking me with a sweet tone. 

When the water is ready, I infuse the tea bags in 3 cups. I chose a blueberry tea for me, a vanilla tea for Lilly, and black tea for Hanako, hoping that I made the right choice. I don’t pour sugar into the cups, because, for me, drinking tea with sugar is a heresy. Finally, our tea is ready, and I give Hanako her cup, and I gently place Lilly’s cup into her outstretched hands. 

I don’t understand how people can love chess like they do, because it seems far too complicated for me. But when I see them playing, I have the impression that it’s a child’s play for them, and I feel dumb for not being able to understand this game’s rules.

As the game goes on, I stay quiet, because I don’t want to bother them. However, I try to understand every move, writing every pattern I see in my mind, but it doesn’t really make sense to me. I take a sip of tea, as Hanako moves a piece that looks like a little horse which doesn’t move like the other pieces. How can I understand a game when all the pieces don’t move in the same directions, following the same pattern?

“I think you will struggle to explain to me how to play chess, Lilly, because I don’t even understand the patterns of each piece. It’s an interesting game though, and I really want to know what you are doing.” I laugh, even if I have the impression that I’m a child in front of adults. 

“When you’re a beginner, chess is hard to understand, mainly because of the multiple possibilities. But don’t worry, when you’re ready, I’ll try to explain to you how to play. Hanako is a better teacher than me, but I don’t think you’ll understand her way of playing.” Lilly chuckles as she moves her pieces slowly. 

I drink my tea while it’s still hot, and after a long game, Hanako wins, at least, that’s what Lilly says. If I could understand a game like that, they would impress me with their skills, but I’m still a complete beginner. Taking a sip of my tea, I stay quiet for a few moments, as they start a new game, however, I want to ask something to Lilly.

“Hmm, Lilly, I wonder, would you like to hang out with me tomorrow? I like to stroll around after school sometimes, and it would be a pleasure for me to share that moment with you.” I wonder, and she takes a few seconds before answering me. 

“How could I say no to this kind offer? It would be a pleasure for me too, but when should we meet?” She asks me, as Hanako plays first. 

"How about thirty minutes after school, in front of the school’s gate? It would allow us to be ready in time, especially for me, sometimes, I take so much time to be ready.” I giggle, joking about my own flaws. 

“That seems reasonable, do you already know where do you want to go, Kaori?” Lilly asks me, while I realize I have no answer to give her about that. 

“I have to admit, I foresee nothing when I stroll around, so it will be a surprise, but we won’t get very far, don’t worry.” 

She smiles as she touches every piece for being aware of Hanako’s moves, and I finish my cup of tea while watching them play another interesting game. Time flies when I’m with them, even when they take their time to play chess or drink some tea. Sometimes, taking time is necessary, and this is a very pleasant thing, people should take their time more often, instead of rushing things. 

I’m here, watching two girls playing a game I don’t understand, wordlessly, but spending time with them is something I cherish. When I came to Yamaku, I was alone during my first year, without my family and my friends, and it was a tough time. Fortunately, Saki came into my life during my second year there, such as Hanako and Lilly now.

Without them, I would be very lonely, luckily, I’m in good company. I just have to avoid to screw everything up like I did in my childhood with some of my old friends. When I was ten, I messed everything because of a girl who lied about her feelings. And that’s something I want to avoid as much as possible, especially with them. However, I hope that I will spend more time with Lilly, because she matters more and more to me, and I hope she’s aware of it. If not, I have to tell her the truth, but it will take some time, just like I did with Saki. 

Outside, it rains a bit, but it doesn’t matter, nothing else matters when you’re with your friends.


	20. Green meadows

In this school, there are two ways to start a school day – with or without an exam – and we have a history test this morning. I’m self-confident because I know a lot of things in this subject, and I work hard enough to get good grades. The class fills up slowly with a lot of anxious students, I can’t blame them, English gives me real angst when we have oral tests. 

When the first lesson of the day begins, most of the students are somewhere else, which is understandable, and the teacher adapts his lesson. I give some answers to the teacher’s questions, and I take some notes, but that’s enough. My neighbor shivers because she didn’t learn enough things to get a good grade today, so I give her some tips to help her a bit.

When our literature teacher leaves the classroom, the atmosphere changes completely. When I look around me, I can see fear or even anxiousness on most of the students’ faces. Our history teacher comes, and I can hear some groans. However, I’m ready for anything, even for Japanese’s medieval history, even though I prefer modern history to anything else. 

The teacher gives us the subject, and that’s a relief for me, we have to speak about the Meiji Era, one of my favorite Japanese time periods, for a lot of different reasons, such as how my country opened to the world, or how the economy changed. We need to answer a few questions, such as Commodore Perry’s expedition in Japan, or explaining some important battles. These questions are not that hard, but it requires knowing our lesson off by heart. 

The teacher asks us, in the instructions, to answer the questions in two or three sentences, but we’re free to write more if we want to. As usual, during a history test, I write a lot, because I like to explain things in details, maybe a bit too much, but I’ve never had a bad grade because I wrote too much. Explaining things in details passionately is, for me, one of the best ways to make history interesting. 

For some people, I’m obsessed about that, but they don’t understand I’m trying to turn my passion into a livelihood. A teacher will never be a good teacher without passion, and according to them, it’s quite dumb to take a lot of my free time to increase my personal knowledge. My duty, in my opinion, is to allow kids to love history as much as I do, because the history of our country is an important part of our culture, and we have to cherish it. 

I take my time to give good answers to these questions, even if it’s easier for me than for the rest of the students. I take almost an hour to answer every question with details, and now we can breathe a bit. The next lessons of the morning will be peaceful for us, if we just have to listen to our teacher instead of working in groups. 

I have to say, I am daydreaming while taking some notes, it may be an inefficient way to work, but it does work for me so far. This morning isn’t that bad, for me at least, I can’t speak for all my classmates. My stomach is rumbling, and I’m already thinking about my lunch, wondering what I can eat today. I don’t have any special desires, so I’ll eat the first thing that I would see. When the morning lessons are over, everyone rush towards the refectory, but I’ll take my time, even if I’m hungry, there’s no reason to hurry.

...........................................................…

There’s nothing fancy in my plate, some fish with vegetables, a healthy meal, although it’s not my favorite course. As I take a bite of fish, a pink-haired girl sits down in front of me, with her friend, who wears a cute pair of glasses. I have already seen a girl with pink hair in this school, but I can’t remember her face or her name. Besides, it seems she wants to ask me something, but she struggles to remember my name too. 

" You’re, mmm, Kaori, right?” She asks, after thinking for a few seconds. 

" Yeah, what can I do for you…" She notices I can’t remember her name or the name of her friend, and she comes to my rescue. 

" Oh, I’m Misha, and this is my friend Shizune, our class delegate.” Misha pauses a bit, trying to find her words to ask me something. " You like history, don’t you? A first-year class delegate asked Shizune if she knew someone who would like to help students who have difficulties learning history or other subjects. She didn’t think about you initially, but when we saw how passionate you were during our history lessons, we thought you were the person we had been looking for.” Misha exclaims, with a loud voice, which is unsettling at first glance. 

I wasn’t aware that first-year students were setting up mentoring classes, but it sounds like a great idea. It would allow me to speak about history, which is something I love, or give them some tips to remember their lessons, especially dates. Events are easy to keep in mind, but dates are very hard to remember for me, and sometimes, I still struggle to remember some of these. But speaking about history with younger students is a wonderful idea, and I would love to do it.

" How can I say no, I want to be a history teacher, and this is a great way to practice a bit, count me in.” I exult, smiling, and I’m feeling grateful they were thinking about me. 

Misha signs to Shizune everything I said, and they talk to each other, but I can’t understand anything, since I don’t know how to speak in sign language. Then, after two minutes, she translates her friend’s words to me, when she notices I’m intrigued. 

" They don’t know when they will put this together, but when everything will be ready, we’ll ask you if you’re ready, right?” Misha smiles, as Shizune waits for my final answer.

" Yeah, I’ll be waiting for you, and thank you so much for thinking of me, I’m glad to be helpful to younger students.” I chuckle, smiling too. Then, they leave the building, leaving me alone. Luckily, my dish is still warm, but, I have to say, this meal isn’t enjoyable. It’s not too bad, but sometimes, food quality varies a lot. 

While I’m eating, I wonder where is Saki, I didn’t see her since yesterday. Maybe she’s with this boy she talked me about or with her friends, I don’t know. As I will stroll around with Lilly, I will have some things to say to Saki, and I hope she will have things to tell me about him too. 

...........................................................…

The first lesson of the afternoon is very interesting, and I ask a lot of questions to the teacher, because the subject is fascinating, even if it is science. When I was at the hospital, I talked a lot about the human body with the nurses who took care of me, and it’s still a very interesting subject to me. I have a lot of gaps with science, so I need to work harder than usual in this matter. 

In the middle of the last lesson of the afternoon, my neighbor tells me how much she’s bored and asks me to explain her some things about our morning test. I take a sheet of paper, and I write some answers to her questions, with a few words, trying to give her easy-to-understand explanations. When she reads my answers, she sighs, because she realizes that she’ll get a bad grade. I feel bad for her because she works hard for little results. 

When the bell rings, I breathe a sigh of relief, we are free for the rest of the day. I leave the classroom and I head for the dorm to get changed, even though I don’t know what to wear. After a dull day, spending time with my friends is a blessing, it will help to clear my mind. In my bedroom, I search some clothes in my wardrobe, and today, I will wear black jeans and a checked shirt, with my only pair of sneakers. I take less than five minutes to be ready, even with doing my hair, which allows me to spend a bit of time reading. 

However, I’m a little early, so I’m waiting for Lilly in front of the school’s gate. When I came to Yamaku, this gate looked like a prison gate for me, I was afraid to lose my old life. During my whole life, I was afraid of change, but I learned, the hard way, to accept it even if I didn’t want to. Now this school is like a second home for me, I learned to love this place, and it will be a heartbreak to leave this place. 

Suddenly, I’m feeling I have been waiting for a bit too long, and when a student comes next to me, I ask him if he has seen Lilly or not. He looks at me funny and tells me she was next to me too, pointing at her with his finger. I must admit I didn’t recognize her at first sight, because she took her hair ribbon, and I have never seen her in these clothes. This dress suits her well, and I’m envious, because I want to buy clothes like that, but I’m sure it won’t fit me at all. 

Lilly gently takes my arm, and we walk down the hill, heading for a field. I walk slower than usual, because I have to adapt my pace to hers. I love to walk on a field with Saki and feeling tall grass all around me, this is something simple but very soothing. When we are in the middle of the field, I break the silence, as I have something important, for me, to tell her.

" Lilly, I have to tell you, my proposal wasn’t innocent, you know. I have something to tell you, and now I think this is the right moment.” I whisper with a small voice, before speaking louder. " You know, when I came to Yamaku, I was alone, my whole first year there was painful, but then, Saki came into my life. When I met you, I met a kind girl who offered me her help, it may be nothing for you, but it means a lot to me. I have to, I see you as a great friend, and I won’t thank you enough for being so nice with me.” I say, with a smile.

" You don’t have to thank me for these things, I’m kind with you because I like you. I’m glad to be there with you, Kaori, and I will be there for you, as much as I can. Maybe someday, you will tell me something else, we never know.” Lilly chuckles, her eyes closed. 

She’s not wrong, it was the same between me and Saki, I saw her as a good friend, and then, she became my best friend. I can’t predict which relationship I’ll have with Lilly, but I hope it will be something great. Our friendship means a lot to me, and I don’t want to repeat the mistakes I did in the past. This is also the case with Saki, I’m afraid to lose my friends, even if I do nothing wrong. 

For more than an hour, I stroll around with Lilly, talking with her about our life, and especially our childhood. She gives me a lot of informations about her past, her trips to Scotland with her sister Akira, but she doesn’t talk about her relationship with her parents. She’s discreet about it, maybe she resents her parents about something in particular, but it seems she doesn’t want to talk about it. 

Then, she asks me some questions about my past relationships, especially my old friends. Looking back, my past relationships explain why I’m afraid to lose my friends, I did a lot of mistakes that hurt some people. Although I tried to redeem myself, it wasn’t enough and some of my old friends no longer want to hear about me anymore. 

“ You know, losing my friends is one of my worst fears, even if I do nothing wrong. There’s no reason for this to happen, I know that, but I’m still afraid and I can’t think of anything else.” I whisper, looking at my feet. 

" There’s no reason to be afraid about that, just seize the day and enjoy spending time with your friends. I will stay with you, Kaori, because you mean to me, and I’m not used to leave my friends behind.” Lilly breathes, with a motherly tone. 

She’s right, I just have to enjoy spending time with my friends, while thinking about something else. It’s hard to do this, but with Lilly and Saki’s help, I’m sure I will dismiss this idea, but it will take some time. Such as Saki, she calmed me down with her words, but I must work on myself to avoid to build a self-defense habit. However, with such a good company, it will be easier, I don’t worry about it.

The wind blows around us, and I watch the sun going down slowly. A simple moment, but I love to be with my friends in a middle of a field in the late afternoon. I just hope that Lilly enjoys spending her time with me as much as I do.


End file.
